Photo by Nathalie Leon on Unsplash
Every morning, the sun comes up, and I tell myself, "Today is going to be the day, today will the day when I'll come out of my shell and go into the real world like all of my friends." I see all of them, posting pictures on FlowerGram about all of the different birds, bees, and insects they get to see on a daily basis, because they took the plunge, and they were brave enough to be out there. I know, I know, I have said this yesterday and the day before, but today, today, today will be that day.
Today will be the day, I bloom!
But when the sun does come up, and I have been up all night making a plan for the Bloom (as the flower experts call it), I falter in my tracks. I am afraid. I don't know what I am doing. Am I supposed to be here? Am I ready? What if everything goes wrong? What if everything fails and I am left with nothing? What if I am a big loser and everyone sees through my facade? What if I am the only one on this flower planet who doesn't know how to be a flower? What if, what if, what if?
All of the doubts, anxieties, and fears come rushing into me. And as the sun comes up over the horizon, instead of peeking out from my home and being free of the shackles of my budding nature, I cower in the corner, and go back inside.
I tell myself, "Tomorrow. I'll come out tomorrow. Today was just not a good day." I make excuses for myself. "It was cloudy today." Or "It's going to rain today. I don't want my first day out in the real world to be a rainy one. That would just be bad luck."
But I know they are all excuses. As I see the FlowerGram bursting with joyous news from all of my old friends, I am envious of everyone. Why is everyone more capable than I am?
It seems like everyone else on this Flower planet is stronger, faster, and braver than me. Better than me in every regard. I'm just a loser, I tell myself over and over again. I cower in the corner of my bud, my home for now, and even though, I feel suffocated and wanting to burst free, I am afraid.
I'm so afraid.
I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.
I want to kill myself, but there is no way for me to do that. I have very little time left, before the Flower Police comes looking for me, and asking after me. They know that it is time for to come out into the world, but if I don't do it in time, they are going to force me to come out at flowerpoint, and I don't want that. That would be way too embarrassing.
I would die of shame if that happened to me.
The funny thing is that I used to make fun of those flowers who needed to come out at flowerpoint. I remember those days. I was still in the soil, and I was having fun. I was young, brave, and capable. I wasn't afraid of anything. I knew that I would be one of the best flowers out there one day. I had high hopes for myself.
I was one of the bravest flowers out of all the ones I knew.
But, one day, something changed. I saw something that traumatized me for life.
It was like something out of a horror story. I was skipping school one day, and just fluffing around, doing nothing, but watching for everything. That's when I saw it. One of the flowers, the mature ones, was enjoying a beautiful sunshiny day, by singing a flower pop song.
"The sun will come out tomorrow,
tomorrow, so let's not worry about today,
flowers unite, flowers extinguish,
flowers are the best."
Yeah, I know, it isn't the best song out there. But it's one of those pop songs that took hold of the Flower nation because of its catchy tune and palpable rhythms.
Anyhow, the flower was singing this song, and just enjoying life, and I watched as a human, one of those deadly creatures, plucked her out of her home, and sniffed at her once violating her without thought, and then threw her to the ground, stamping on her with his heavy tread as he walked away.
I watched in horror as the flower, the beautiful flower took her last breaths in front of me. There was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do to save her. I was still just a child.
But that's when I became this snivelling, crying, afraid mess of a flower. I can't even look outside without being afraid of being plucked away by some senseless human hand. And stamped away, without a thought.
I shudder even now just thinking about it.
One morning, I was going through my daily routine of wanting to go out and being too afraid to actually take the plunge, when I noticed a Flower Ghost visit me.
She was absolutely beautiful.
"Hello, little flower child," she said, smiling down at me beatifically. "I don't have much time. I have so much to do, so much to do, you see. I think I am busier now that I am a ghost, than I was when I was alive and singing the flower songs every day. I heard from the grapevine that you are one of the children that's having a hard time blooming." She didn't give me a chance to explain or defend myself.
She went on, "I think I can help. You see I know something about you that you probably don't know I know. Do you know who I am?"
I shook my head. I was too busy formulating a plan to get out of whatever Ponzi scheme she had for me to get out of this mess I have created for myself. I also noticed that I hadn't cleaned my home in a while, and it wasn't smelling that great. One of the cardinal sins for a flower is to smell bad. I tried to step away from her, so she wouldn't be able to smell my scent, but she didn't seem to notice a thing.
"Yeah, I thought not. Do you remember sometime ago, there was a flower who died in front of you? You tried to save her, but she died right in front of you."
My eyes went big in my face, and I forgot about the smell or about my shame. Was this the beautiful flower who had been killed so cruelly??
"Yes, I remember you. You are a Flower ghost now? How are you doing? I was so upset after..."
"I can imagine. I wish I had had enough strength to talk to you before I passed away. It was crucial that I did, but I just didn't have the time then. That's why I am back here now. You see, you were crying when I died, but did you notice that I was smiling?"
I shook my head once again. I didn't notice that. I was too busy wailing about the unfairness of this world to notice anything else.
"I was smiling before I died. I think you must have mistaken my death to be a sad state of affair. Whereas, I had fulfilled my purpose. What is the purpose of a flower, my child? The purpose, our ultimate purpose, is to give joy to others. Even if it is a momentary sense of pleasure at our beauty or our scent, it is the joy that we want to give to the world. That moment when that human plucked me, and smelled me, it was one of those moments of joy for me. I had fulfilled my ultimate purpose. I don't know what was going on with that man. But I knew he was sad or needed something beautiful in his life. By being as beautiful as possible, I was able to direct some joy into the life of that human. Once, my purpose was fulfilled, it wasn't necessary for me to be alive anymore. I was done. My life was complete."
She paused. To see how I was taking what she was saying. She was a fast talker, but in the moments when she spoke about her purpose, she seemed to come alive. I saw her eyes glittering behind her glasses.
"I think you are mistaken when you think that I was murdered cruelly. I fulfilled my purpose. I didn't die without a reason. I bought beauty into some creature's life, and that's why I am fine with the way I died. Do you understand, child?"
"But, he stamped on you before he left. I mean, he didn't care about you enough to place you gently somewhere. How can you say that you died peacefully?"
"Child, remember this. We cannot choose how we finish our short flowery lives. But we can choose how to live it. I lived it as fully as I possibly could. I saw the sun every single day. I danced to the breeze every single morning. I showered in the dew and the mist every dawn. I slept contently every night, because I lived a full life during the day. If you can live such a life, you will have no regrets about the manner in which you die. If it's under the tread of a human shoe, or in the belly of a sparrow. It's all good in the end."
I nodded my small head. I think I was getting what she was trying to tell me.
"I don't have much more time. There is a gala in which I am the guest of honour. But I hope you will take my words to heart and do what is necessary to live a full and proper flower life."
I bowed my head down to her as she flew away off to her busy flower afterlife.
That day I spent all day as usual in my head, thinking, wondering, and analyzing.
The next morning came as usual after a long, and tumultuous night. I didn't sleep a wink, yet again. I was so tired. I didn't know what to do.
Should I bloom? I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. All it would take is a little peep out of my room, and I would be out there with all of my friends, with the sun, the breeze, and the rain. I would be out and happy again.
All I had to do was bloom.
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