Spoiler Warning! This is a short graphical story about Rex and his adventures. The subject matter within is meant for an immature audience with a good sense of humor (seriously, probably not suitable for kids under 13). These are real graphics from Xenoblade Chronicles 2, and I have not edited them. The story below may or may not be related to the actual gameplay storyline.
Episode 2: The Talent Audition
A Xenoblades Chronicles 2 Short Story by @creativetruth
Finally I have arrived. As soon as I reached the dock, this Millennial showed up and blocked my way. He said I had to pay some kind of tax to get inside. This Justin Bieber nitwit told me he was exercising his rights to protest corruption, and would block my way unless I paid him money.
So I lied and told him I voted for Bernie, and he let me pass.
And I also decided to let the SJW pay for my Uber ride.
So this is what a real underground market looks like. They sell all sorts of cool stuff here you can't buy legally anywhere else. Rugs woven from the hairs of jackalopes. Unicorn dung by the kilo. Jars of brined toe fungus. Dried mammoth tongues. Metalmite larva. This place is a candy store for steempunk enthusiasts, like fur'sure.
There is so much I want to buy, but I don't have any money yet. Since it could be dangerous wandering around in here with my vintage superhero underwear collection to sell, I think I will sell my services instead.
Maybe this plump person over here can tell me how I can earn some quick cash around here.
Excuse me, Miss. I am a free agent looking for work. Do you know anyone recruiting around here?
You freelancer? Good boy! You look good in tight blue jammers. I know someone. He always ask for young boys. Yes, you like old men, yes? Do what old man say? He pay well. He like you, he pay more.
Woah! I said I am a free agent, not an escort service. I think I'll keep looking elsewhere.
Only moments after the pudgy lady finished ogling me with her chipmunk eyes, I noticed another fellow staring at me from behind. He seemed very enthusiastic to meet me. Perhaps a bit too enthusiastic.
You MC Hammer, yes? You ran out of money and look for work, yes? I help. Make you very rich. Interested?
Clearly he recognized my abilities. After all, the video I posted on youtube earned over a million page views. Nobody dances The Typewriter better than me.
Yes, that was me alright. My name's Rex. If you need a dancer, I'm your man.
Yeah. Dancer. Very important job. You shake ass, and boss will stuff many bills in your pants.
What is it with these little people? I guess sex really sells in the sweat shop here. I might as well explore new avenues. I am metrosexual after all. That's why I drink milk. It does a body good. One day, when I grow up, I want to be a sexy beast. I'll be a Tinder God...
Hold on, why is this dude wearing all leather? And why does he have two members of The Village People following him around?
You aren't going to make me... uhh... well...
The jowls in his neck trembled as he laughed and shook his head.
No, no, no! We run clean operation. We make you famous. Customers only watch. No touch. Boss explain details, then you choose. You take job or leave it. You like. Easy money.
After thinking it over, I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least find out more about the kind of deal and work being offered. I decided to take him up on the offer, and he lead me to a room at the far end of the basement, up a long set of stairs. As I went up the stairs, I noticed his escorts were wearing pants with large holes across their back sides. I felt sorry for the poor peasants. I bet those pants get real drafty in this dark lair, but they seemed used to it.
When we arrived at the office, I was introduced to the boss. He was the largest person I have ever seen, and his skin was toilet bowl blue.
Bana the Hut looked me over carefully with his Mr. Monopoly monocle. He went on to explain the terms of his deal. He was forming a dance crew, and they were looking for me to join the ranks. I would have to attend a week long training camp, where they will teach me the choreography and then start filming. They plan to post all of the music videos on DTube, and use all of their network connections to upvote on Steemit. Baba says I'll earn a ton of followers as we become more famous, and he is prepared to pay up front. Apparently he has a lot of experience being a whale.
Oh, so that's why you have blue skin.
Holy smokes! I have never had that much dough before. Are you going to pay me in Steem delegation, or do I really have to stuff it all down my trunks?
Woah! Sign my ass up!
Where's the contract? I won't let you down. I'll make Michael Jackson's old moves look like child's play compared to what I have in store. Check out my pelvic thrust. Huuah!
What's the dealio with Princess Leia over there? Is she part of the dance crew? She could totally win a cosplay contest in that outfit.
No, that one is my slave. She does windows too.
I prefer if you don't look at her directly. It might give her hope. You know. A broken slave is a good slave.
Now, I think it is time that I introduce you to your new friends.
They will be your supervisors from now on. Anything they ask you to do, you should follow their orders.
Woman! Bring them in!
Mahogany doors. Very classy.
Wow they have their own entrance music, fog machines, blacklights, and everything. Is that a white tiger and a robot? I wonder if this is the same tiger that used to work in that Vegas show for Siegfried and Roy.
Have they been standing behind that door this whole time? Okay, that is a little creepy, I admit.
My name is Malos Han Solo. Stay out of my way kiddo. Center stage is my place to shine.
My name is Mister Rogers, but you can call me Jinger.
This is your new dance crew. Jingy and Mal are in charge, and Nia Pet over there on the end will dance opposite of you Rex. See we needed you to balance the team out because you two are approximately the same age and height.
Wow you guys are so cool. Everyone is so gender fluid. We got Liza Minnelli, Albino Batman, and Drew Barrymore.
Why does she get to have a pet white tiger? That is so... unique! What about a liger? Can I have a liger?
Don't push it, Tom Thumb.
Malos, show Little Boy Blue how we deal with smart ass runts.
You're pretty fast... for a girl.
Dammit! I'm not a girl. I'm a man.
What are you, like 11?
Twelve!
You got spunk, kiddo. I like that.
If you can move your ass that fast in front of the camera, we're all gonna get along just fine.
Now, if you'll excuse me, we have to start making travel arrangements, and Jinger and I need to get our chests waxed in an hour. The flight out leaves tomorrow. Meet us on the dock yard in the morning. We'll keep your seat warm for you.
Baba the Hut ended up paying me the hundred thousand as promised. Unfortunately, it was in Satoshis. That scoundrel. He promises the next time will be in Steem.
Thanks for reading my story. Please follow me if you want to read more about my adventures.
Join us next time as Rex succumbs to the challenges of a rough hangover during his first day on the job. Will he suffer from alcoholism and a drug riddled career addicted to pain killers to cope with the price of fame?
You never know what can happen next in the Xenoblade Chronicles 2.
Check out Episode 1 if you want to catch up on what you missed.