I have learned now that spacing my meal very far apart makes me develop an urge to eat. The farther my meals are the better for me because I could basically eat more than if I would eat three times a day or eat because it is time even though I am not hungry.
But spacing my meals would mean that I would definitely not gain weight. So I guess that in the process I will not be able to gain weight and it had been my long-standing problem which is costing me a great deal of contempt or "Disprecio" from a lot of people.
My appearance is very dear to me or to all people for that matter because if you look good people regard you as important and worthy of attention, respect, and appreciation. But even my image is taken away from me and had gotten replaced with something that should be avoided, ridiculed, belittle, ignored, regarded as second-rate human that should be set aside or be under everyone's feet.
But now even though I will be able to gain some weight my appearance just gives me a lingering problem as stated above. That is why I am always afraid to reveal my image to the public and just is forced to go out because I have to go for my dialysis.
If only I can do dialysis at home I will just do it here but it is another set of complication by itself too. So I just rather let people to remember the last time they had seen me like in high school or college where at least in those days I feel much better with myself than what I had become now.
I really do not like my medical condition, it just robs me of so many things including my social life in person or in the "real world" but it is just only in this platform that I got comfortable in exposing my current image because in facebook I am really not for the fear that people there will just treat me as a subject of curiosities and gossip.
I still have friends in facebook but the difference is that I am not comfortable revealing my condition to them for the fear that they will avoid me thinking that I will take something from them or something, I also fear rejection and also being put aside by others while others really doesn't want anything to deal or making business with me.
So that is how important my appearance for me and yet that too had been taken away as well. Only a miracle will fix me up, maybe if BTC would go up 10,000% I will be able to think about changing or restoring my appearance back. But right now it is a stupid but an idea for me that is in the list of the options that I wanted to happen but with less than .001 in ever happening in my lifetime.