I am just glad that I have all the time in the world when I would sleep or not. But now is just a time of insomnia, intermittent insomnia due to my current consumption of Caffeine at my dialysis.
It seems that the dialysis process is not completely washing away my system from Caffeine so I have to check again if my wonderful renal nurses changed on how the blood pump goes and it should be around 250 mL per minute.
Actually the 250 mL per minutes is so slow and doesn't clean compared to the western standards. My only consolation was with my high flux dialyzer which compensates the clean quality for my blood otherwise I will not get cleaned well enough for my satisfaction.
The dialysis process should clean my blood completely considering that my stomach is half empty already before I took my Caffeine capsules which I already had cut one capsule less but still the effects of the Caffeine I can still feel circulating in my system.
I just have to wait some more hours before I can feel drowsiness so that I can sleep again. About an hour from now I will also take some gabapentin so that I can feel some relaxation and ease this stimulated after-effects of the Caffeine.
I just can't take Gabapentin right away while the Caffeine is still doing its job overtime because I will lose the first hour relaxing effects of Gabapentin. Well at least I can use my waking time trying to get productive rather than to just waste time tossing and turning here on my bed.
It is unfortunate also that I cannot forgo in using caffeine because it is my only way in making me to successfully complete my dialysis session because if not I will either get congested or toxins will get backlogged in my body or both.
That is the reason I am doing these kinds of desperate measures because I just wanted to feel well and this intermittent insomnia is just a compromise that I have to take knowing that Caffeine is also bad for my bones too.
My life is full of complications, all is just like a maze of dead-ends and the final destination is something I do not even want to think about because of the ugliness of the road that I am walking into. But life has to go on even for my kind of life where in the back of my mind is nothing but hopelessness that I still blindly will not accept.