I am still suffering a hell of terrible pain otherwise I will not be laying down on my bed 24/7 almost and I can only walk a few steps shuffling my feet and with a use of hand rail in the bathroom.
My torso is also killing me, there is no particular position that I am really comfortable because my back still hurts as well as my ribs. I do not sneeze because I would injure my ribs when I do so. I would hear a cracking sound when I do sneeze and it will be followed by a sharp pain that lasts for weeks just what happened right now.
That is how worse my bones had been. Actually I am just surviving with regards to my bone deterioration because I am taking my Cinacalcet and without it then I would just suffer from a pain everytime I would move my body.
Right now it is the case but at least the terrible pain is just diminished but it doesn't mean that I am comfortable because I am truly not, it still hurts like a MoFo every single instance of my life.
It doesn't also stop me from thinking of suicide but that would be a bad thing for me to do because of my spiritual beliefs so the idea of it is not on the table. I just have to man-up and try to manage the situation with all the help of my online friends all over the world plus the mercy of God to my retched body.
At least I am not depressed but just deeply saddened and frustrated about my situation in my life now. I never had achieved anything but this blogging work that I am trying to enjoy, this just had been a part of my life now since I could not do the former things that I had been doing before. Anyway it also helps me convey what is in my thoughts so writing has been my therapy until maybe I die one day.
Anyway right now I am with pain on my rib area, it happened when I had put my thermos on my chest as I was opening it. It slipped and making a pressure on that particular area of my rib, now it is aching.
So I am just planning to take some NSAID pain reliever for tomorrow so that it can help to dull the pain but of course it will not take it away. I just pray to God that my Cinacalcet and my Renvela therapy would cause to heal me one day.
Because living with disability is not a good way to ever experience especially if you are not born disabled, it is so hard to accept the fact that you can never do the things of former years plus with uncertainty with the challenges ahead of me, it is indeed hard fight and it is getting harder as time passes by. may God help me.