I can't believe that we are in the middle of the year already as it is the month of June, it was like the New Year celebration last week. Well it is an awful new year for me though because I was screaming in pain while the fireworks are going off because of my Appendicitis.
My Appendix had gotten worse to the point that it had to be removed. I thought that I will never get the clearance for an operation to remove it since two doctors are supposed to give me that considering my case that I have a bone disorder while I am also a dialysis patient.
My blood pressure went down while I am in pain prior to my Appendectomy and it is because of the infection that I am suffering from. It was the baddest thing to experience because while I am in pain I am also hypotensive. I could not straighten my feet because of the pain but I have to raise them because I am having a very low BP, so low of a blood pressure that I thought that my heart would stop, it gave me the fright of my life.
At the hospital after I ate a lot of tasteless rice gruel and my father is short of shoving chocolate in my mouth just to raise my BP finally my blood pressure went up a bit well enough to get me into the operating room and the rest is history... in the making that is.
That was last January and now it is past the middle of June, my favorite baby niece is now a teenager and I am not able to give her a useful gift like a laptop so I am sad about it. There is so much dilemma about giving gifts too, if you give one special gift to one then others might get jealous, that is what in my thoughts always.
I also cannot believe that I am older, I only look like a teenager because my appearance didn't change except of course my facial deformities but still people gets surprised learning about my real age.
What is bad about getting old is that almost nothing surprises you anymore, watching movies feels like you just wanted to see the ending already, you already had listened to all your favorite songs which had gone old as well as the artist that sung them.
I do not really want to get old, I don't want the people that I love grow old, age-up and die like a blossoming flower that will bloom and then die, I do not like it. But we have to face life and the cycle of it because this is the reality and nothing could change it.
So now we just have to enjoy life as time passes by because we do not want to get late and time catches us and see ourselves not being able to do anything that we want anymore. That is why I am sad about what my life had become, I wasn't able to do what I wanted because this illness that I have is just like a heavy leash preventing me to do all that and basically making me immobile quite literally as well.
Now I am just like this but at least my mental health is still holding up and I thank God that I am still sane despite my condition. I just pray to God to give me more mental strength so that I can still cope, and also understanding with his words so that I can be spiritually strong and get a chance to live a much better life in heaven which is my more important goal to achieve as this life had only given me grief, despair, and misery as you all can see. may God bless you all.