Anyone else suffer from insomnia?
I've reached the point where I've got to admit it. It's not just trouble sleeping. This has been going on for years, and it affects my daily life. I'm basically drunk at work due to the sleep deprivation, and as my job is being a teacher, this has repercussions. I'm not as sharp as I need to be. I can't lead as effectively. I'm unable to motivate my students to the degree that I need to. Sometimes I'm just a fucking zombie.
Looking back, maybe I always had it. As a kid, I'd hate school because I'd always have trouble getting up. Mostly because I'd have trouble sleeping in the first place. I remember in middle school I'd just listen the radio all night because I couldn't sleep. Come morning, I'd be passing out on my desk from exhaustion. It affected my studies, among other things.
When I first left the U.S. for work five years ago, it hit hard. In China, in a different place, with different beds (they're HARD!) and different air and time. I mean, I can't sleep on planes. I can't sleep in cars. I've only rarely slept on desks. I can barely sleep in beds, and generally not in ones that don't belong to me. But China was the turning point, and I put it all to the fact that I was just stressed with starting out as an English teacher.
But it kept up. And it stayed with me back in the States, soft mattress or not. And by the time I arrived to Korea, it mutated. Once a month I'd miss a night of sleep. Then it became biweekly. Then my entire sleep structure depreciated. I became used to sleeping four hours a night. Six would be a good night's rest. I'm utterly dependent on coffee.
I abstain from sleep medication because I know I've got an addictive personality. I know the moment I pop the benzos or whatever tranquilizer the medicinal dealer throws at me, I'll need it the rest of my life. Worse, I'll probably like it. Alot. Too much. So I just try to relax alot before sleep.
Last night I slept for three hours. This time, what woke me was a nightmare. I get them a lot. I enjoy them. At they're best, they're horror films for me to sit back and experience. Sometimes, I even use them for fiction ideas. And frankly, when I'm able to draw inspiration or even plot from my nightmares, when they work for me, they work damn well. I won't go into the nightmare too much. Suffice to say it involved molestation, a possessed doll and possible cannibalism.
Do you have insomnia? Tell me your stories. How do you deal with it?
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