She's from around here, lives over on the west side, just out of town. I'd see her around, walking down main street laughing with her friends or at the edge of town walking home on dusty roads lined by crops. She went to school here, my high school, and I'd see her there too, but we never spoke. I don't know why. The chance never came up, or maybe it was that I lacked the courage to ever say a word.
I'd see her from the field on Friday night's at the game, she'd stand out from the other's in the bleachers; Summer dress and boots, blonde hair in a ponytail underneath her baseball cap. She'd cheer the team on as we played but I don't think she was a football fan. I'd hoped of course and used to imagine her walking up to me after the game to tell me I played well...Maybe I could ask her to grab a burger with me at the diner...But she never did and I probably wouldn't have anyway being so shy.
That baseball cap never hid her beauty, in fact the casual way she wore it made here more so, at least I thought so. Her eyes shone beneath that peak, her smile touched her eyes, lit her face up like the milky way on a clear night. But it didn't matter because I couldn't talk to her, tell her how I felt and that I wanted to get to know her. I was shy and besides, why would she want to be with me anyway...
...The hood was up and steam rose from the ruptured hose even as coolant poured out onto the dirt road sizzling as it ran off the hot engine. I wasn't going anywhere. I wiped my brow and swore under my breath as my hopes of a surprise homecoming evaporated like the coolant out of my truck.
I hadn't been home for 7 years, the army keeping me busy on training evolutions, work-ups and deployments. I grew up in the army, found my true-self after being that shy kid back home. I was good at it too, being a soldier, and since joining up right out of school had filled out in body and mind. It hadn't been easy though, war never is, and I carried scars; Emotional and physical, but I was ok. I had to be. I was looking forward to going home, to shutting off for a while, helping dad in his hardware store which was getting too much for him to be honest. I had 3 months off and was going to make the most of the simple life in a small town hoping to make sense out of the last 7 years of my life. Well, that was until my truck decided to break down only five miles out of town.
I'd been walking for 10 minutes when I heard a vehicle approaching behind me. I turned and saw a plume of dust fanning out behind a light blue pickup truck. I moved over to the verge to let it past but I could see it was slowing. It came to a halt behind me and to my surprise I recognised the driver and instantly I was 17 years old again, shy and nervous. It was her.
The door opened and out jumped that beautiful girl I remembered from school, the bleachers at football games under lights on a Friday and walking along main street sipping a soda. I just stood there like a fool as the last remnants of road dust wafted by and my memories and insecurities settled in; Old familiar friends absent these past 7 years.
She was stunning; A ribbon tied back her waterfall curls, a light summer dress cinched at the waist by a belt with a huge buckle in the shape of Texas on it. She had on cowboy boots and silver-rimmed Ray Ban Aviators. Simply stunning, different to school, more grown up obviously, and I felt my heart lurch. Hopefully she didn't hear it I can recall thinking. She walked over, smiled and said, "hey, is that your truck back a ways?"
The ride to town was not long enough; All too soon she was pulling her truck up in front of my dad's store. She shifted it to park but left it running, turned and looked at me smiling. We're here she'd said with a smile. We'd spent the trip chatting about local news and to my surprise she told me she remembered me from school and had asked why we had never spoken. I didn't tell her it was because I was a shy idiot though and changed the subject.
We chatted for about five minutes with the truck running and then my dad came out of the store...Good timing dad, thanks! I thanked her for the ride, smiled what I hoped was a dashing smile and hopped out closing the door behind me. I turned and she flashed that smile again and said, "see ya round huh" before shifting into drive and accelerating away. I watched her go and noted her looking in the rear view mirror back my way.
Later that week I heard the bell ring as the door of my dad's store opened, it had been quiet all afternoon and a customer was a welcome change. I had an arm full of boxes so didn't see who walked in. Putting the boxes down I went in search of the customer who I found in the hand-tool isle looking at screw drivers.
She had a blue dress on, off the shoulders, and her mane of blonde hair tumbled down her left shoulder like spun gold. I felt self-conscious in my blue jeans, t-shirt and boots but approached anyway stuffing my work gloves into my back pocket casually. She said "hey" with a note of surprise as if she hadn't expected to see me here, in my dad's hardware store where I'd told her I'd be working for the next 3 months. That fact wasn't lost on me and I felt my heart race both at the sight of her and in curiosity about why she came in. Not for screw drivers surely. I responded with my own smile and something that I hoped went something like, it's great to see you again but I can't recall.
We stood and chatted a while, there in the tool isle. She made a show of needing some screw drivers but I didn't figure she did and we ended up talking about the last 7 years, what we'd been doing where we had been. The more we spoke the more I had the idea she was waiting for something. So, there's me nervous as hell, just like in school afraid to ask the one thing I really want to. Hell, I was in firefights that felt easier than this!
We'd been laughing about something she'd said about one of the teachers from school and then out it popped, "hey, I get off in an hour, do you want to grab a burger and a beer at big Joe's?"* I stood there fearing her response, yet hopeful. She smiled slightly, suddenly demure, tilted her head just slightly to the left at the same time as her hand raised to flick her hair back over her ear and looked up into my eyes.
"I'd love to, yes..."
We still laugh about it now, years later. How nervous I was as a high school kid and an adult that day in my dad's store. She said yes that day, and again two years later when I asked her to be my wife. I deployed twice in that two years but every time I left knowing I had her to come back to and it made the difference. She had, and still has, a way of making everything ok, of finding sense when sometimes I can't and allowing me the time and space to heal. The scars I carry will always be with me but I know she will be too, my pretty little homegrown hometown girl.
I'm not a warrior anymore but my fight isn't over. Those 9 years I served plague my thoughts and dreams sometimes too but she's always there to bring me around, to soothe me and give me focus. I cope well, better than some of the other guys I know and I have her to thank for it.