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12
Melanie awoke in her chair about four hours later, well into the night. Her head was throbbing, the effect of the drug beginning to wear off, or the throes of dehydration. It wasn't all that bad, she thought, and she knew that the next day would be hard. A bad temperament would follow her around. She had done it all before, and was used to it all.
At least she didn’t have anywhere to be. Well; at least until the evening.
She brought herself to her feet quickly, needing a cigarette. She needed its support like lungs need air, she thought long all too briefly about what was going to happen to her if she didn't get help soon.
Cutting her wrists was becoming a more regular event, and the pain she had caused herself in the past day was more than the two previous months put together. It was obvious to her that she was slipping further into despair and joy at self harm, and becoming even more depressed.
She didn't know how to handle it, and wasn't even sure if she should attempt to. It was far too difficult to get another opportunity such as the one she had now, the one shot at her dream that actually looked like it would go somewhere. The only thing that would prevent her from getting it would be herself, and nothing else could stand in her way.
She finished the cigarette, and stepped out onto the balcony of her apartment. It was abnormally dark outside, and as she leaned on the railing, looking down, she pondered deeply. It would have been so easy for her to just hoist herself over the railing in order to fall.
Fall and never return. Fall and never feel pain again. Fall and never hear the taunting voices again. Fall and never see anything again. Fall and see that life is purely an illusion. Fall and hear the screaming of society. Fall and destroy the decency and compassion felt for you. Fall and just forget about everything. Fall and die.
She managed to contain her urges, but only just. She was driven back inside when she felt a few gentle drops of rain hit her face. When she made it back inside, closing the door leading to the balcony, the heavens were shredded open and an immense downpour began. The weather was reflective of her mood. There was nothing left for her to do but try and sleep.