Uptil now, all my blog entries were written after I felt the certain way. For example the entry about how ungrateful I have become was written after I first wrote it in my diary. But admitting to my feelings right now is really hard for me. I don't even have my diary right now. Let me first begin with how I am feeling right now. I am feeling really sad and depressed right now. That's a start.
Emma is such an inspiration. I remember so many quotes by Emma. She is doing everything in pursuit of a dream. I remember she said about pursuing your dream "if it fails it fails. But you gave it a go" I want to give my dream, my dream of earning money by making educational videos a reality. I am really trying and I love it. I remember when I was last editing my video on the unit circle I remember I kept saying "I love it!!! ilove it!! I love it!!" It's the most Joy I ever felt. I honestly loved it. I'm afraid if I ever bring this up and said that's what I want to do, this is what makes me happy, I won't be taken seriously, people on my life who I highly respect will immediately shut me down and crash my hopes. I want to do this thing I love. That's why I am sad. I can't stop thinking about this. I don't think I can share this with anyone. That's how I feel. That's why I am sad. I'm currently writing this in with my cousins in the backseat of the car on the way to an amusement park. My mom send me here so I could "divert" my mind. I see that my mom had good intentions but I never understood this divert your mind thing. Why should I just not think) about my future? Why should I just not think about stuff that makes me unhappy? If I don't think about it, it will still be there. Anyways, I'm here at imagica (the amusement park) and maybe I will do some sort of response or analysis on it later. By that I mean tonight or tomorrow morning. Good bye for now!
Edit: I am posting this after I came back and now, I'm really tired and going to bed. I'll do the analysis probably tomorrow