Goes to bathroom and grabs tootbrush. Stares in the mirror while thinking, you look pretty. Then, paused and said.. pretty ugly. Smiles.Finally brushing teeth and replaying late night call with mom.
Me : So, what if there's someone who belittle our work, should I listen to them?
Then my mom replied,
Mom : No you should not but, you have work harder. If someone thinks your writing, art, whatever you do is bad, just keep improving. We're all learners.
I was still dissatisfied so I asked her,
Me : What if people say I am not talented? What if there's billion others who can write even better than I do?
My mom patiently replied,
My mom : You can always do things if you put your mind into it. Persistence is the key. If you love something, just keep doing it. Learn from other artist or writers, what makes their work loved or enjoyed? It does not mean you have to copy the exact same style, learn the pattern and find your own style. Don't quit just because someone said your work is awful. You've proved it yourself. Someone critique your work, you work 100x harder, and you get better. Why don't you believe in yourself?
My stomached turned and I started getting emotional. I decided to end the call and started pondering on Why don't I believe in myself?
There are dozen talented artist or writer out there. Yet there are dozens who are still learning. Why do I quit when couple of people on the internet said my work is shit? why do I quit when I someone said my essay is terrible, why do I quit when someone belittles my profession?
I and others who enjoy making art or writing will probably feel awful when someone mocks what we do. We spend hours to create an art and pour our energy into it only to read " your work is mediocre", " you are not talented" , or somewhere along the lines.
I recalled in the past, it used to send me into days of isolation and negative self-talk. I would think I don't have talents and I don't deserve anything. I still do sometimes but lesser. I give less fuck about it these days. I also finally learned how to discount people's opinion. I love writing and I am going to work towards it.; to create a better and readable piece of story.
It seems back in the days I was easily traumatized just because someone said something about my work. Maybe it was just me who were less self-aware. It's okay to be learning and be a student. Truth it, I am still a student and I will always be.
Today, I also confronted someone who said science documentary is for brainlets. I told that person, everyone has different interest and it doesn't mean they're brainlets for not watching a science documentary. I don't usually do that but because I was in mood to be salty, I decided to say it. Now while writing the story, I feel something has been lifted up from my shoulders. Just keep in mind, if you love something, keep doing it. Believe in yourself and be persistent.
[macchiata]
image sourcepexels