Give me feedback on my writing

Please give me feedback on my writing in this article.

I will share half of the earnings of the article evenly with everyone who has given me meaningful feedback.
This request for feedback is related to this initiative to create a group for mutual feedback on writing. Please check it out and join. You will be paid.

#writingfeedback

EDIT: Don't upvote this request, but the real article. This request doesn't provide value to you.