Good evening friends, Steemians, and lurkers alike, tonight I will be covering why spending too much time with friends, and being social may harm your priorities and things you set out to do. Now before you drop a no s*** sherlock on me, here me out, and this plight of mine, as it doesn't stem from depression, but from motivation, and drive.
Two of my friends are celebrating birthdays today
from entirely different social circles I'm in, but I've decided to not attend either- and instead use that time writing this post! Who made me a grouchy alpaca today? No one actually, and I don't owe anyone an excuse real or made up of why I didn't want to go out tonight. I wished everyone a happy birthday today, so what's going on?
I'm out to challenge peer pressure tonight, and why I've put myself into so many situations in the past where everything would be going well for myself, only to be destroyed by excessive partying later on. My behavior may be viewed as counter intuitive to many other advice and help pieces, that aim to help people get out more, socialize more, and grow the glimmering wings of a butterfly. However, I feel that it's paramount to state this;
This post is going to explain why. I used to think that unless I went to every event, holiday, or birthday, I'd be essentially letting a friend down, and be hurting them indirectly. I attended everything under the sun to make my friends happy, and many times- it really did.
How Over-Socializing Hurt Myself
This time last year, that's where I was. Every weekend I was out at a bar, restaurant, or hotel somewhere in Honolulu, drinking it up, and throwing it down. On top of celebrating holidays with my friends as well, many of them have birthdays between October and December, and mine is in November! This means many get togethers, and fun times- I had a lot of friends and was always invited.
What eventually ended up happening, is that I found our group, and myself living paycheck to paycheck. Everyone was going out to celebrate and have fun, but in reality most of us couldn't afford to even go out half as much as we did. My grades started to slip too, was this all really in good fun?
The Cycle of Acceptance
When you go out to meet people, you generally do so to be liked. Everyone wants to be part of the crew, hang with the big boys, earn respect, and be loved by many. Partying all the time can do that for you, but the glory is far short lived. You hear the term, looks fade; but that also applies to party-rep. You are the most awesome and coolest person... until the next party. There is no lasting achievement, and it was not the life I wanted to live at all, yet I found myself face first in it.
That's not to say that hangouts and meetings have no purpose, but if it's something you do multiple times a week that isn't for a cause or part of an ongoing project- you may want to reconsider the choice of how your time is being spent.
Getting upset at others and feeling entitled
No matter what you do, no one owes you in life, and the same applies to them. Many friend groups and even relationships turn toxic when a person starts keeping count of the things they did, and their favors, expecting a return. Everyone wants so much to be liked by their peers, you go to your birthday so they can go to yours, and now there are two parties.
I remember living with my best friend a few years ago. On my birthday, they asked me what I wanted to do, and I told them; "Nothing, I just want to finish my paper for class." I didn't know that this was the wrong answer to say. I wasn't trying to guilt anyone, and genuinely wanted to do my school paper and relax that day. They yelled at me furiously, and decided that I was going to have a hotel party, and invite a bunch of our friends. Instead of writing that paper, my day was spent calling people and organizing an event.
The Wrong Idea of Friendship
Looking back now, it was a really fun party and a lot of my friends were there. My best friend was so happy to be hosting my birthday party; who would want to be known as the best friend who couldn't even do something for my birthday? I spent months thinking on this, and that was the conclusion that made the most sense. Also they were screaming that there was no way I didn't want to do something.
I did drink way too much, and spent several days sick, but took no sick days from work. That party put me three weeks behind in school. If my classes are only 8 weeks long, and I miss a week, it gets almost impossible to catch back up. I remember having something like 5 monster cans on my desk and the only light on in the house being my monitor, as I struggled to make up all of my back work. I was amazed that I was able to... barely.
If your goals and ambitions lead you somewhere else
your friends are going to understand. Having friends on an international scale has taught me that even if my friends can't be physically there with me, it doesn't mean that they don't care. Everyone has their own lives, and you can have a healthy relationship without excessive partying in person. I feel that in this day and age, there is so much emphasis on teamwork and being part of a group, that we don't even think about what kind of group we even want to be in, as long as there are other people in it.
You can still be friends with someone, and not do everything they do or want to do. When I lay on my deathbed, I'll die full well knowing that I spent a good amount of time, doing the things I wanted to do the most, and not letting guilty feelings stop me from living the way that I want to live. I can rest peacefully, without illusions of bitterness, that others have taken my time away from me.
I went to your funeral, will you come to mine?
