They say, "Doubt has killed more dreams than failure." Indeed.
I have experienced it first hand most of the time.
Until now.
3:26 am and I'm wide awake. Thinking about what should I do.
...
To be honest I’m quite distressed right now.
Things just gets more blurry. Once again, I don’t know what to do with my life.
Random shits are streaming and they are all piling up over and over after one each other.
Here’s my self defense again.
Telling me to escape. Telling me to don’t mind.
…
Music is my largest frustration. Lol. I wanted to sing well, and dance well.
But the hell just took them out of my genes as fucked.
I am just so terrible in doing what I want to do.
But here’s the twist- I’m now in a musical. I got some major role to play with.
At the moment, they made me believe that I can, and tell myself “I thought I was not good.”.
But as the rehearsals goes by, I am loosing my mind.
I have placed a lot. I have put so much effort listening to tutorials, piano lessons, even months before the reh, but I just couldn’t get them. I just can’t get the tones right. Even if they are not telling this to me. I know. Lol.
I am definitely thinking about quitting. And like totally let this shit dream fall apart… just like my other dreams.
Maybe I just have to let myself fall apart again. Just like how I really I usually do it.
Maybe it won’t hurt that much anymore, not like how others hit me.
I needed an air to breathe. And by any chance, i didn't know what kind of air I had inhaled.
For the first time, I don't want to run.
For the first time, I wanted to put everything I have here.
This is a dream, and it is on my hand already- the choices are letting it worked out, the hard part or just let it go, the easy part.
I must cross out the doubts I have inside and double cross the doubts from others. Because it is killing not just my dreams, but also me, literally.
Maybe there should be no more "What ifs" and no more fears.
Maybe all I should do is believe and just let dreams not just a dreams. Maybe, for the first time I need to make it real.
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