When describing the sexual organs or humans, there are generally two ways to go about it. You can use cold, practical, medical terminology; or you can use low brow slang. But at the end of the day, a sensible person is hard pressed to find a nice and easy layman’s colloquialism to describe the vagina, without seeming either too vulgar or too clinical.
There are plenty of terms. Google it if you don’t believe me. But recently, it came to my attention that there is a vast discrepancy in opinion, between a couple of terms that have been around as long as this writer has been in the game: Whisker Biscuit and The Bearded Clam.
Both, oddly enough are food related. Both refer organ itself, and the natural growth of hair that accompanies it, and both have a sort of youthful whimsy. But were you to poll the general public, your friends, or a Wednesday night prayer group, you will find that people have a STRONG opinion on which is more vulgar, and which is “cuter.”
Whisker biscuit can lean cute and adorable, shout the listener recall the cute whiskers of a kitty, and the warm, home-like feeling that the smell of fresh oven-baked biscuits may bring. And yet, on the other hand, if you imagine a dumpster, with some dry old biscuits in it… mercilessly covered in whiskers… well, you see what I’m saying.
And then over on the other side of the coin, the Bearded Clam has the magical whimsy of a cartoon character, tasked with telling stories that both educate and delight. A magical character, that offers the promise of immense joy, and lack of responsibility. Animated clams are cute as fuck. But in the end, picturing a juicy clam with a full hipster beard, is in fact a nightmare (especially if you imagine having sex with that) so is that really a viable “best choice?”
But as I’ve already outlined, the general populous is divided. What do you think? Which one is a reasonable descriptor and which one is horribly disgusting?
You tell me.