Some of you might remember that I took a class last term on how to write plays. It was definitely a...mixed...experience, full of some great feedback and writing practice but left me and the other students questioning our professor's sanity.
Essentially, each week we had to write a two page script for a scene inspired by a prompt. Then we rotated who would be featured in the seminar for feedback. These sessions usually found ways to be hilarious, awkward, and even offensive every time. That last part was usually the teacher.
Her comments ranged from mildly constructive to borderline racist. (If you ask a girl in my class, she felt directly attacked by some of the teacher's remarks.) The issue, I think, was that she was the kind of reader who would formulate her own meanings and ways a story should be, and then sometimes forcefully try to convince the writer to make it match her vision.
The reason I mention this is because my whole final project, a ten page script, was founded on suggestions she made. I tied two of my weekly scripts together, one of which she even used in-class as an example of the best you can do on the rubric. I left that final class feeling over the moon and excited about the play. So happy, in fact, that I was already planning on asking her in the new term how to get involved with school productions.
But when the marks were posted...
She ripped into my script, literally starting off her marks with "It's a pity you wrote this." She went on to say that it was unbelievable that a character could have a flaw in their personality (I'm not kidding) and marked me several points down for a having a single typo. The only good thing she could find was backhanded, with 'some dialogue is very sympathetic but the whole thing hangs unconvincingly.' I'm not gonna lie, it felt like someone took my heart and smashed it repeatedly with an over-sized hammer.
Here was someone who has tons of professional experience working with plays and stories telling me that mine wasn't worth writing.
I felt broken, and at a total loss for how the exact same scripts she loved earlier, just with more context, could be hated and torn apart. I know it might seem silly that one person could damage my confidence in my greatest passion so easily, but that's what happened.
Especially after talking to @ntowl, it's clear the biggest problem was her. It didn't exactly repair my self-confidence right away, but there's too much of a contrast between all of her positive feedback and that final grade for it to all be my fault. A family friend who is also involved with theater said she was really interested in what I wrote, and would want to read more. While I could accuse @ntowl of a maternal bias, she also has loads of writing and reading experience and said she thought it was great.
Even though I had more positive feedback than negative, I was stuck on my teacher's words. For real, whenever I'd think of my script or writing in general I'd hear the painful tings of "tedious," "irrelevant," and "unthought-out," nevermind the aggressive questioning of character choices. Professors, and mentors in general, are supposed to be people who know better than us, who can support us and educate us. If she says it's terrible, what qualifications do I have to argue?
Particularly now, a few months later, I know that regardless of her feedback she is just one person. Yes a person in a position of 'power' and 'knowledge', but at the end of the day she is just one reader. I've since paid more attention to the success stories of others, and the countless rejections and bad reviews they've received both prior to achieving their goals and after.
Moving forward...
I still feel a little insecure, but I'm choosing to take it as a lesson of perseverance and confidence-building. A part of that means finally posting here on steemit again, including the scripts and final project. I was actually going to post the first one today, instead of this near-editorial, but I thought it might be interesting or relatable to some of you. I'm curious, do any of you have similar stories with teachers or hurtful feedback in general?
Also, needless to say I didn't contact the teacher again. I was tempted to, for clarification on exactly what she thinks I did wrong, but I knew it wouldn't be helpful. I think the best thing to do is try and learn the lesson and move on, like I said.
I plan on posting the scripts in the order that I wrote them, with only a little bit of editing, so you can see my growth. I'll probably post the final project in parts after the regular little scripts. Hopefully you like it more than my professor did. 😅