brianthesmartass

I was about to leave when (you won’t believe this) but some Vikings, come back from the dead, showed up at my house to settle an old grudge with one of my ancestors. I of course, knew immediately, I had

There I was, about to get on the on-ramp of the interstate to come see you when an obnoxiously small red car filled with too many clowns to count flew past me leaving a trail of red noses, big floppy red

So…..funny story. A few weeks ago I bought this really old hourglass from a pawnshop run by this really old Asian lady; you know, the one who looks like she is older than time itself with millions of wrinkles

It is said that the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout but I never understood why he kept going up the drain until today. I was getting ready to come meet you, doing my hair and making sure I would

I was sitting at my house about to get ready to come see you when a mouse came out of a little hole behind my cabinet, climbed up on top of the toilet and began talking to me. He introduced himself as

I know we had plans for this evening but the weirdest thing happened to me today and I won't be able to to make it. I woke up this morning to what I thought was going to be a normal day. I took a shower,

Killer Kitty Kibble      (Work Excuse)Boss, I can't come to work today. I woke up this morning on time and began to get ready but I slipped in the shower and I didn't think I hit my head that hard but