notb4mycoffee

Cooking for teenagers is like trying to fill a black hole with a spoon. I blink and suddenly everything in the fridge is gone. I swear I just went grocery shopping. Where did the five-pound bag of chicken

In our house, WiFi is not just an internet connection. It is a battleground. A sacred resource. A modern-day gold rush. And every single member of the family believes they are the rightful heir to the

I am the proud owner of a couple of teenagers who firmly believe I need life coaching. From them. The same people who think pizza rolls count as a food group and consider brushing their hair optional.

There was a time when my kids used to hang on my every word. Granted, they were toddlers and mostly interested in whether I had snacks or a Band-Aid, but still. Now that they’re teenagers, our main form

Not a picture of my actual teen... they look far worse. I love my kids. Truly. But when it comes to their fashion choices, I sometimes wonder if they are actively trying to test the limits of my patience.

Teaching my kids to drive has been the most terrifying bonding experience of my life. I thought childbirth was stressful. I thought potty training was intense. But nothing compares to sitting in the passenger

​ It was supposed to be a peaceful walk. Just me, the leash, and our dog who is usually more focused on sniffing blades of grass than chasing squirrels. I was wearing my comfy walking shoes, sipping my

I have discovered a hidden talent. I do not need to put in any effort. I do not need to plan ahead. I embarrass my teenagers simply by existing. It is a gift. I used to think embarrassment required effort.

​ I am convinced my teenagers have a black hole in their stomachs. There is no other logical explanation for the way food vanishes in this house. I go grocery shopping, unload the bags, and before I can

​ Applying for college financial aid is like stepping into a game show where the grand prize is debt and the consolation prize is also debt. I thought the hardest part of the college process would be the

I used to think I was a pretty sharp parent. I mean I made it through college I can set up a WiFi router and I know how to parallel park. Surely I could stay one step ahead of my own children. But then

​ Just when I thought I had accepted my fate as an outsider in the ever-changing world of teen slang, my kids upped the ante. They have now introduced a new level of communication that relies not just

​ There was a time when I felt pretty cool. I knew all the latest trends. I understood pop culture references. I could carry on a conversation without feeling like I needed a translator. Then my kids became

​ There are few things more terrifying than walking into a teenager’s room and seeing the state of their laundry. It is as if they believe clothing belongs in three places: on their body, on the floor,

Watching sports with teenagers is a test of patience, endurance, and your ability to decipher what on earth they are yelling at the screen. I naively thought family sports nights would be a bonding experience.

​ Every so often, I gather my teenagers, load them into the car, and embark on the grand journey to visit their grandparents. You would think I was dragging them to a medieval torture chamber rather than

Once upon a time, my kids could sit through an entire movie without moving. It was a magical era when they would curl up on the couch, eyes glued to the screen, barely blinking. I could have set off fireworks

​ There comes a time in every parent’s life when their teenager decides they are ready to become a millionaire. For my kids, this realization struck after they saw a TikTok video about investing. Suddenly,

​ There comes a time in every teenager’s life when they realize that money does not magically appear in their bank account. That moment happened in my house when my teenager, clutching their phone in despair,

​ ​ ​ Lately, our house has turned into an ongoing college debate club. My teenagers have decided that discussing colleges is their new favorite pastime. And by "discussing," I mean passionately