I forgot how this was. The anxiety. The effort. The fear.
The last few days I've been trying to think of what different things I could write about on here. Maybe talk about some tools, in the sense of programs, that I use, on my computer. Maybe write about some games? Maybe write about some older TV shows I've been watching lately? Maybe a movie or anime review? I kept thinking I should just write fiction. I thought that would be pretty easy and people might be more willing to reward it.
Not that the reward is the only thing, but I do have an account I need to build back up.
Then I start a freewrite based on the fear of your feet dangling off the bed and having to hide them under the covers...and it's TOO FUCKING LONG! I knew it was going too long even as I wrote it, but there were scenes that I wanted to have to go through the interpersonal dynamics. Even if they were "pointless" scenes. They established the characters. And it just kept on going longer and longer.
OVER 6500 words! WTF! WHY!?!? WHY DID I GO ON THAT LONG! It took hours to write!
I didn't mean to!
Now it's too fucking long and most people will nope out without reading it.
Obligatory link to hopefully have someone maybe read it, after I already said how it's too fucking long.
And now here I am trying to figure out how the fuck this place works anymore and if there are places where you can self promote. I'm guessing they're all on Discord? Maybe Reddit?
I fucking hate Discord. It's full of noises and there's too much going on and it's a third party private server with privacy concerns. I don't even remember what my name or password is anyway.
When I left there were like communities and things and I'm still trying to figure it all out, and here I am writing more, after writing too much, and writing myself into a corner.
I thought maybe I could talk about this anxiety and ask about how things work now but the anxiety is making me all disjointed.
This place is hard.
I just want to fall back in place again.
But I also remember a lot of the communities were hard too. They involved reading and curating a lot of posts and voting on them. It was all so hard.
I don't get how this place works anymore and I keep trying to read more and more and it feels so slow going.
Sad panda is sad.
Photo by George Lu
Taken on June 4, 2011
Used under the CC BY 2.0 Attribution 2.0 Generic License
At least it's easier to search for Creative Commons images than I remember. I like the Duck Duck Go image search filter for licenses.