No no, just messing around.
As some context, I was in a bit of a zone with work and decided to start recording/vlogging my process - this ended up with me setting up a DLive stream, which automatically made a post and here we are!
I've been experiencing a lot of stress from a few different areas of my life recently, and this was a nice reconnection with creativity and productivity so I went with it; and the writing below is my first thoughts after I streamed + some editing.
Original Stream description
Yep I'm writing, here's an example:
Sometimes you fall off-track, it might be from burning out, or it might be from bad habits; or both.
We can choose to get back on track whenever we like, but this all takes time; let's be patient with ourselves.
Now obviously, I'm not in a position to give you any advice - I'm just here to share with you how I'm coming out of my mind and into the world; a mission like any other, with new obstacles all the time, some out of our control, some within, and others somewhere in-between.
It might seem ridiculous that I'd be so stressed and anxious about posting content, but really when you start creating something that can influence others and you want it to align with a true version of yourself, you're faced with a lot questions; and though I logically understand the answer is to play and dance with these questions, it can get quite difficult to beat our insecurities. You have seen me try and deal with this in a couple of different ways.
When you feel momentum, run with it.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to stream very long because my laptop couldn't handle it, I'm not even sure what went live. But the point was to just setup my stream - I might play with this again in future (Piano improv? Gaming? Writing?).
I was actually just recording some work I was doing and I ended up following through into getting my stream ready. It was my first time streaming using DLive and they have made massive improvements to their UI since I first visited dlive.io.
Sadly though, the fields are a tad limited, though this isn't surprising given the platforms early stages - I really commend the @dlive team for the work they've done and I look forward to the future of the platform.
Recording myself is often similar to writing, it helps me process my thoughts and gain control of my state. I ended up getting the stream ready, getting my stream keys from DLive and chucking them in OBS; I'd been wanting to do this for a while with DLive. I'd done it a couple of times with twitch, nothing substantial, but I had made some scenes in OBS.
I've been trying to come to terms with how I want to write and what I want to post; and an idea that's come into that is live streaming the creative process I go through; perhaps I'll share more on this later.
Regardless, it's been a little while since I've really been on Steem - I went through a bit of a burn out and took a lot of time to really think about what I wanted to do with Steem and my life in general. I had so many drafts written up for Steem, some topics which I was quite pleased with, and will likely come back to, but for whatever reason I couldn't get anything out there. Going from feeling momentum to feeling stagnant has been a difficult process; but really, I felt it necessary to take a step back, though I would've respected myself if I'd pushed through and continued to post, breaking my comfort zones even more - that's just not how it happened this time round.
But here I am again, posting genuinely and closer to an acceptance of myself and what I want to create. However, I don't doubt I'll struggle again, though I know each time, I'll learn to fail better to recover easier and stronger - hopefully.
I am incredibly grateful for the community of Steemit. The interaction I've received from what I've put out here is really appreciated.
I'm going to cut this short.
I've decided to accept whatever I want to put out on the platform; whether it's garbage, more about myself or whatever, this is better than hiding myself away - experiencing more opens up more opportunity for the life I want to come along. Stressing about what I should or should not put out and whether it aligns with what I want to do is no doubt a healthy experience to go through - I'm demanded to assess and refine my intentions to create value for my readers and myself but for now, I'm just going to allow myself to be as I am and hope that my time away has added to what I can bring to you all.
I really thank you for being here.
See you around.
My live stream is at DLive