So the other day I had this redneck come onto my property and ask to mow my lawn. Seeing as I'm a lazy b#^@&#d, my grass was knee deep at the time. I figured I could get my yard mowed for cheap based on the looks of the guy standing uninvited in my yard. The man's arrival was unexpected and at first I was pretty pissed off.
Pixabay
I was standing out in the yard all by my lonesome contemplating how lucky I was to have a big, empty field out in countryside away from people, while society goes to s%#t even more so since COVID started. Anyways, I was enjoying the peace and quiet when I heard a twig snap behind me, and the sound of someone chawing away on something ruined the silence.
I turned my head to see this skinny b%*&h of a man, wearing a camouflage shirt, pants, and baseball hat. He was chawing that chewing tobacco so hard you'd think he was trying to chew up rocks with the effort he was putting in.
The man, if you could call him that, looked like he could have been knocked over by a gust of wind but I'm sure he felt very masculine chewing that tobacco and spitting it all over my lovely field. It's crazy how frequently he had to spit as we conversed over me giving him a job mowing my yard.
I was pretty pissed about the spitting. Nobody spits on my field but me! I mean, who in their right mind thinks it's okay to spit, and spit, and spit, as you are having a civilized conversation. But then he offered to mow my lawn and it was really cheap so I let him.
Instead I went and sat on the front porch of my house and played a drinking game. Every time that redneck spit his chewing tobacco on my field I had to take a drink. I got drunk pretty quick. There's a good chance that while I was paying the guy I peed on myself and passed out in the yard.