LONELY- the life of an introvert.

The feeling I get when I don't have anyone to relate to, the feeling that comes with just being alone as if the whole world has locked me out.

Quite a few times I find myself in a gathering, but I am the only one alone, everyone else has someone to talk to, and everyone else is happy. Everyone else is in a different world, just me in my grumpy world.

It is not that I am are too proud to try, or too proud to mingle with others,or too proud to relate with others but it's just not working.

The funniest part of this whole thing is the fact that I already promised myself that I won't be like that anymore, that I would make real friends, friends that would stay, friends that I can jump and play and chat with. But at the end of the day, I still see yourself doing the same thing over and over again. I see myself still acting grumpy and lonely, I still act like a loner (which i have gently turned out to be), or maybe I are not but act like one.

_{image by Mike Juarez from unsplash}

That moment, life is nothing else but cruel, life is not fair, every effort I make to amend the situation seem abortive, nothing seem to be working out in my favour.

When I sit out there,I hear people call me all sorts of name like a loner, a proud girl and so on. I even overheard someone I thought was my friend calling me a pompous girl. You won't believe how difficult sleeping was for me for the next few days.

Among the new year resolutions, i promised myself to take more pictures this year, but I haven't even taken any I am proud of.In several situations I ask myself if I'm normal, trust that silly brain of mine to give me a negative reply.

Few people who pretended to understand claimed it's because of my temperament, well I believe them at times but at the other times I ask if this is just all about the temperament or there is other things involved.

I'm always sitting alone,people think I love being alone, some people even feel I prefer being left alone and with time I think I now prefer being left alone, or better still I tell myself I prefer being left alone because in as much as I act like I am okey, deep down I really want to have people close by, people I can spend time with when I'm bored (yes, I get bored too at times), someone I can confide in when I'm confused or sad, someone I can cry on when I'm hurt.

I am just an introvert not a snub or a proud loner,I also want to make friends, just haven't found the right way to get to do that. Even when I finally make the friends they treat me bad because they feel I would always be there since I find it difficult to make new friends.