Hello members of Emotions and feelings community, ever since I joined this community I just feel really attached to it , as the name of the community implies ‘emotions and feelings’, you sure can’t read posts from this community without feeling a certain kind of emotion.
The theme of this month is Resentment, the moment I saw the topic I knew what I was going to write on.
”I hate you Derek”
those were the exact words I said to Derek my ex-boyfriend from four years ago.
Derek and I met by chance through a friend, we met at a seminar, and we just sort of connected, the next thing I knew, Derek was showing up at my doorstep, apparently to see his friend and me according to him. After hanging out together on several occasions, emotions were rising, feelings started to grow and before we knew it we were in love and we started dating shortly courtesy of his friend who linked us up in the first place.
Things were going very well with us, our relationship was growing not until Jessica who was I and Derek’s friend kept getting in the way, she started acting like a mini god because Derek and I were together all thanks to her, it became a battle of who was closer to Derek’s heart, funny how that sounds because I was supposed to be the girlfriend right? Lol such is life.
She was his confidante before I came into the picture, they were already best friends, I didn’t see a need to get all worked up because of their friendship, I never considered her as a threat, little did I know that she didn’t think of me in that light.
When we fought, Derek had this bad habit of running to her for help, I kept on warning him against discussing our love life with his friend who was neither a counsellor nor a therapist, of how wrong it was, he kept on assuring me that he would stop.
On one fateful day we had our usual couple fights but this time we were able to resolve it amicably, so I thought until a text came in.
“I told you to leave that girl alone, but you have refused, how can she always fight with you if she does not have another person in her life, she is just using you to pass time and she has a lot of guys in her life already”, at this point I froze completely.
I rarely snoop around with my partner’s phones, as at the time the text came in, I was using Derek’s phone to send some of our pictures we took to my phone. I was so curious about the text this time because I was the one that was being talked about and I was really surprised with everything I saw.
How can my friend that I love dearly say all these things to the man that I love?
I moved from being so pained to being angry, my blood was boiling, have you gotten to a point where you get so angry and you start laughing, as I was laughing my body was shaking, I have heard of how fake friends destroy people’s relationship, here I was face to face with one.
Not only was my morality questioned, my friend was trying to label me as a promiscuous fellow, I was hurt, I mean I was deeply hurt.
I politely walked Derek out of my house, because he was in on it with her, that day he confessed a lot of things that this my said friend has been saying and doing, he also hinted that she tried to kiss him on several occasions, I wasn’t interested in what he had to say because there were two sides to the story and I wasn’t ready to know who was less guilty.
Ever since that day I have felt nothing but pure resentment for the both of them. Derek tried to reach out several times to apologize but each time he did I re-live that incident again and again and I am forced to hate him even more.
When I see or hear anything about them it always ruins my mood. This feeling of resentment kept going on till recently when I heard Jessica was terribly sick and she almost died, I panicked, I didn’t like her no doubt but she use to be my friend so at least she has a tiny space in my heart and why would I want her dead. At that point I knew resenting her would not cut it, it was time to let go and embrace peace.
I took the bold step and went to see her in the hospital, when she saw me she started crying, how could someone who hated her so much show up at her sick bed, she thought. We both apologized to each other and started making jokes about a lot of things.
Letting go of all the resentment I had for Jessica made me really light and happy. Grudges are heavy burdens in our hearts, once you let go, you will be so happy.
Jessica is very fine now, hale and hearty, we aren’t how we used to be but there’s no bad blood between us anymore and I have forgiven Derek as well😃
Some of the pictures in this post belongs to me others were gotten from pixabay
Thanks for stopping by🥰🥰
XOXO