Melancholy. A term used to describe a feeling of sadness with no obvious cause.
Ever since I was young, I was never an energetic child. I have always been passive and volunteerism was not really my thing. Growing up, I slowly discovered my temperament and owned it up. Upon discovering this, there were a series of questions in me "Why am I different from them? Why can't I be like them?" But when I challenged myself to do so, I refused.
As early as 3 years old, my parents already sent me to kindergarten and there, I witnessed how behaved I was in the class. I was obedient and very organized. I follow my teacher's instructions. I don't really go around the classroom and engage with my classmates. Since then, I have been very introverted.
However, I remember that I made good friends with my classmates too but only a few of them because I thought their personalities were too overwhelming for me. They're too energetic for me and I can't keep up with them. This memory still lives in me as I remember us playing track and field. We had fun racing and the last one to get to the finish line is the loser. We'll laugh at it and visit each house as soon as we're done with our assignments.
It's pretty clear that I already have shown these qualities as early as 3:
Strengths
Organized and Detailed
I remember when our teacher gave us an assignment and when I got home, I immediately took my textbooks out of my bag and did it right away. Before I play with my friends outside our house, I always make sure to get things done first.
I got that skill, or should I say "attitude" from my mom. I noticed how organized she is in her classroom, and how she arranges my stuff in my bag. She also puts a plastic cover on my notebooks and books to protect them from getting wet. That's how I grew up and so I applied it myself.
I am also very particular about my closet. I set my clothes by category and then by color. I fold them and arrange them accordingly. I rearrange them if they get messy. Doing so satisfies my obsession with organizing and cleaning. Otherwise, I have compulsions and it doesn't make me feel at ease. Noticed how disturbing and toxic that is sometimes.
Schedule-oriented
Just like how specific I am with my stuff, I keep in mind to adhere to my schedules on time. That makes me an ultimate, excessive planner for life. As much as possible, everything should be in line and scheduled.
That being said, I used to be a secretary in class where I keep important schedules intact because they know how specific I am with details. When something goes beyond my control, I get frustrated right away and that's one of my weaknesses.
Independent
I was the only child until I reached 6 and 1/2 years old. As the eldest of two siblings, I have to be responsible for taking care of my younger sister. But even before my sister came out, independence had been in practice already. I felt like I matured at such a young age that I felt like I was responsible for everything.
I think being organized and detailed are both associated with independence already because it requires intent decision-making skills and I believe I have that quality. But sometimes I can be very indecisive because of being obsessive and a perfectionist.
Cautious
These strengths I have listed are interrelated with each other but have their own depths or definitions. I'm cautious about how other people would feel if I say something about them or anything in general. I'm afraid it would hurt them or they would take it the wrong way that's why I have always been calculated with my thoughts and when I utter words either.
Then again, if I tend to overdo this, it would mean that my life is dependent on how others would feel towards me as a validation that is no longer acceptable. I believe that we have the freedom to express our sentiments but in a thoughtful manner.
Weaknesses or Challenges
Obsessive and Perfectionist
Being so organized with my stuff and detailed I am, I become obsessive sometimes and it causes me to do everything over and over again. Even if it tires me, as much as I want them to be in order, I would still do it. That makes me so indecisive.
Consequently, that led me to be prone to burnout because I overdo things even if my health is already at risk. I tend to lose sleep, I skip meals, and I stress over them if they don't go according to my plans.
Depressive and Sensitive
When things don't fall into place, I easily get frustrated and I have a hard time getting up and just lose my focus. It takes a while for me to recover. The journey behind processing failures and defeats is long.
I am too coward to hear criticisms about myself because what I do is that I absorb them all and let them stay in my thoughts. As a result, I overthink and let negativity rule over me. I realized that I have to overcome this habit because it serves me no good.
I have been praying to God that he'll equip me with a strong mind and heart to fight against negativity and go through the criticisms soon I'll encounter.
Pessimistic
Knowing how melancholic I am, there's no doubt I am very pessimistic. Research says that the human brain is naturally biased towards negativity but in me, I guess I'm living for it.
To my self-assessment, my character has never been tested that worse if I may compare my experiences with other people and so that made me realize that there will be worse trials I'll go through, especially in the career I'll take soon. I should be prepared and so, I just need to find the right balance between avoiding toxic positivity and preventing negativity from entering my system.
Easily gets distracted
Even though I'm schedule or task-oriented, when my plans don't go my way, I easily get distracted and discouraged. Like I said earlier, I tend to lose my focus or motivation right away.
Even when I am writing a blog, I can't give my 10% focus on it. If my brain doesn't feel like doing it, my mind goes elsewhere and the next thing I know, I keep browsing Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. It usually takes 2 to 3 hours for me to finish a 4-minute blog. However, if my brain is in the "zone" or in the mood for writing, it takes less than 2 hours.
So to sum up everything I have written in this blog and to give you an overview of what temperament you belong to, visit this link and assess yourself.
Thanks for reading!
Keep safe everyone!