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I define resentment as a feeling you get when you’re really angry at someone or something.
The feeling I get when I’m displeased about something especially as a result of betrayal.
I define resentment as the irritation towards my phone when it hangs or malfunctions, the infuriation I felt when service providers become extremely terrible and messages don’t deliver promptly.
The urge I felt to destroy my phone when it malfunctioned in the past was also as a result of anger.
The anger I felt when my classroom teacher flogged me in primary school for coming to school late and the resentment I felt for being embarrassed and flogged in the presence of my juniors and peers.
Resentment can also be the feeling one get when they feel hostility against something or someone and it is usually accompanied with an urge to harm.
This theme reminded me of my final days in school so did my definition “a feeling of displeasure and betrayal”.
My final year in school was a phase on its own and it consists of research projects among other courses. This research project encompasses the actual research work, the thesis writing and the research project defense. It was a six unit course so, the research project grades has the ability to make or mar one’s cumulative grade.
I and other students in my class understood how important it was to get a good grade so we tried to put in maximum effort.
All the aspects of this project phase were graded. In my own case, I worked on levels of some certain hormones( testosterone and follicle stimulating hormone) among diabetic men with erectile dysfunction within my study area.
There were a lot of down moments for me throughout the project phase. I must confess, it wasn’t easy at all. Although I knew it was going to be a little tough, I still wasn’t prepared.
I guess no one is ever prepared to get stressed.
From traveling from one city to the other, buying a lot of consumables and test kits to performing the actual analysis.
It wasn’t easy.
Same goes for some other students in my class.
Even after the sample collection and laboratory analysis, the collation of results using the statistical analysis phase was a hell of a phase that drained me both mentally and physically.
Right after the defense was done, everyone in the class expected the results to be out as soon as possible.
The results took a longer period than expected and it got to a point that we stopped counting days.
However, on one particular Sunday, the results were released and everyone logged on to their portal on the School’s website to check it out.
Few days before that Sunday, I met my project supervisor in the laboratory in the teaching hospital and he informed us( I and other students present there that the results would soon be out.
Almost everyone became too tense and out of curiosity, we asked him about our performances.
The replies he gave us even made our anticipation grow bigger again.
That very Sunday, I checked my results and I became disappointed.
I was expecting to get a grade A but unfortunately, it was a B.
B wasn’t a bad grade but I’ve raised my hopes so high that I expected better. I felt like I was ripped off.
Resentment clouded my heart as my mind flashed through all of the stress filled moments I faced throughout the project phase.
In fact I was so sad I couldn’t eat. I felt like my efforts were not enough eventually.
I texted my friend on WhatsApp to ask about her results, specifically the research project, and she complained about the same thing. It was as if she was more angry than I was.
Screenshot of a section of our chats about the results.
Some other students also left bitter complaints on our class group about how unfair the grades were. Even though we couldn’t do anything to change it, we ranted to ourselves hoping that it’ll make us feel better.
It got to a point that we began to resent the students that got grade A among us as well as our supervisors and some of us even decided not to give our department anything as we left the school.
This spanned for a long time but we eventually shrugged it off.
I know sometimes getting angry may be unavoidable but I was also interested in how to get over the anger.
I came to the conclusion that if I get angry at my departmental officials, project supervisor and external supervisors , and I can’t do anything about it then I should be able to get over it because life goes on.
I forgave them and even got them gifts at the end but did I really forget about it?
Recently, when I saw the theme for this month, I came up with a question on my WhatsApp status about resentment and some people turned in their replies.
The question that I asked.
Below are the replies that I got.
However, resentment can also be felt towards a place.
There was a time that I neglected a particular route in a community because I saw a snake along the path which gave me shock and in turn caused me to throw out the raw eggs that I was carrying.
I opted for the route mainly because it was shorter than the usual route. However, there were tall grasses, tall trees of cocoa, oranges and kola nuts along the road and on that particular day, I fixed my gaze with a snake on the cocoa tree. I was so shocked and the flight hormone in me made me throw out the eggs in my hand.
I eventually went through the usual route that day, on my toes till I got home.
It was not even funny because the eggs were meant for breakfast that day but I ruined it due to the route I took.
Ever since then, I didn't go through that route again till I left that community.
Thank you for reading my story.