Have you ever thought about how it feels when you are always the second option, and when people remember you when their first options are not available? And it is such a strange thing. You are made yours in a bad way, and then you leave it completely. There is just one place. You are like your backup plan, and this thing breaks the person inside, but one has to pretend as if everything is fine. When you definitely become someone's person but never their priority, then a strange silence starts spreading inside, and you do everything, give time, care, but the other person only connects with you when their real choice fails, and then you feel that maybe your existence is not an attachment for convenience. This thought hurts, but people have to feel it inside them. As if nothing is being felt.
The biggest problem is that you yourself are connected with those people, and you want them to give importance to you, understand you, recognise you in them, but when you are repeatedly kept second to them, then you start asking yourself why only me, and there is no answer to this. Because people follow you only till the time they need you like a spare tyre when the real tyre gets punctured, then you do it, otherwise you don't even show it, don't even give this. The pain of making this second option is not only in relationships or friendships but it is everywhere, in work, in family, in every relation and when this option is heard only when their favourite people become enabled then it seems that your existence is just a part of formality and sometimes you start questioning your existence itself.
Sometimes you are invited to a group party or a conversation circle just because real friends or important people don't come, then you feel a little hurt inside and from outside you look normal, you smile, you laugh and joke with everyone, but inside your heart there is only one feeling. You are just an option, and the feeling of being second is hidden.
But inside it keeps telling you as if there is some poison which only you know, and when you repeatedly become the second option for someone, then your self-worth starts falling, and you want to distance yourself, and you remain silent because you don't want to hurt anyone. You feel that if you say something, then maybe that person will go away from you. This pain keeps you weak. Then you try to become everything for those people who remember you only at the time of need.
In such a situation, you start changing yourself, you start adjusting. You suppress your real emotions, lower your standards. Just in the hope that someday you will become a party to them. But the truth of life is that when you gave them everything, they never gave you the values that you deserved. When you understand this, a real burden falls on your heart, which is not visible from outside but makes you tired from inside.
When you become the second choice for someone, your time, your energy and your emotions all belong to them. Even then, you call yourself your friend. You think that maybe something is lacking in you, but in reality, those people are never yours. They will come only when your were their real option is unavailable. You were just this choice, a convenience.
There comes a time when you feel that you are investing your heart, your time and everything in the wrong people. Then you learn to take care of yourself, to love yourself, because people will give you the same value that you give to yourself. If you don't respect yourself, the world will not respect you either. People will give you the same place where you keep yourself. The pain of being second is felt sometimes. When you become first for yourself.
When you start considering yourself so important that ignoring someone else doesn't affect you. Giving preference doesn't affect you. Only then does a new confidence come inside you. When you become a desire and not a need for anyone. Until that day comes, why should you stay with yourself, live for yourself and understand yourself and befriend yourself?
A day will come when someone will like you just because you are the way you are and will not compare you with others. He will understand your true form and will understand your value, and that will happen only when you value yourself. But that will only happen when you stop making yourself a side character in someone else’s story and become the hero of your own story. One thing should always be remembered. You are not anyone's black backup plan.
You are not an option for anyone's board time. You are not on anyone's call list when someone else is not available. You are a complete human being, and you are unique, and you will find happiness only when you remain loyal to yourself, and as long as you keep being an option for others, you will keep finding it. But the day you learn to make a strong choice for yourself, that day your real journey will begin, and that success will be the most beautiful for you.