I have been away from Hive for some time, and I miss reading from intelligent minds on here so badly. I sometimes drop by though when I had the chance to or I was not too weak to add reading to the list, even though most of the time, I preferred hunting memes and skits so I could laugh my heart out and just for a moment forget the troubles I was in. And on one of those days, I posted once too. Why was I away for that long? Read on.
I’m not about to share the details of the reasons, however, I bring you the tough lessons I learned during those periods, and I’m hoping that this write-up will be the first step to posting consistently on Hive once again.
In one of my searches for memes, I came across this post, and it resonated with me. Not because it’s new to me, but because it’s naturally a part of me to not utter a word about what worse situation I am facing when someone shares their problems with me. It just doesn’t make sense.
They coming to me in the first place is because they feel safe around me and know that I have the best words that would soothe them and give them maximum relief. And if they refuse to be soothed, I scold them so that their heads will come back to life. Lol. These are my friends, and they know that I know what to do to make their emotional baggage lighter or even disappear.
Sometime in 2021, one of my friends got heartbroken. It was so bad that I knew she would break down. However, around the same time, I was sick and heartbroken. My situation was like this; I was rushed to the hospital from class because ulcer decided to show me shege in the cruelest way possible. I didn’t know ulcers could be that serious until I was placed under oxygen because I struggled to breathe on my own. At the same time, I had a boyfriend that wouldn’t call nor text for days because he was busy hyping and posting other women on his socials. We didn’t have any fights prior though. I was sick and heartbroken.
Count the emotions there: Physically sick, financially wrecked because of the sudden sickness, emotionally broken, and mentally unwell.
I remember the nurse telling me to call my boyfriend, maybe hearing his voice would make me feel better. I just smiled, and said, “I’ll pass”. A few days later, I was back in school, and my friend was also heartbroken. She cried so much I didn’t like that. I was going through mine, but I remember that the first thing I said to her was, “my shoulders and arms are quite tiny. However, I think they can comfort you well if you let me use them on you”. Then, I wrapped my hands around her and allowed her to let out all the emotions she felt. Then, we talked, and she felt better. She left my place an entirely different person. It made me feel so good.
Now, imagine that the moment she told me she was heartbroken, I told her that I was going through worse and that her own situation was better. How would she feel? Would saying that make me feel better? No. Would she feel better instead? Of course, not. Rather, she’ll learn not to share anything with me again because she would believe I was already going through worse situations than hers. Then, gradually, the relationship will drift apart because sharing intimate info about us would be out of the picture.
Life’s challenges are not supposed to be a competition of who’s having it worse. When your friend speaks out first, then, let her have her time, help her get out of it, and find some other time to talk about yours, if you really want to. Sometimes, it may not even be your friend, but someone that trusts you enough to have the intelligence of helping them navigate their emotions back to balance.