I have been very reluctant to post on this community out of "fear" of being ridiculed or being unheard.
When I saw this month's theme, I felt that it is right up my alley.
Loneliness can take many shapes and forms. From distancing yourself from others, to being in a crowded room and still feeling alone. What is my version of Loneliness?
Being Secluded, away from everyone can boost your self love, self worth or it can be damaging. It gives you that one on one time with yourself, to reflect on what is important in life. Such as family and love. It gives you a chance to grow as an individual. For me, seclusion would have to be camping, away from civilization. A chance to wander through the quiet woods or cast a line and try to catch a trophy fish. To reminisce about all of the good memories and good times had. To come back a better person than you were when you left.
Feeling Alone due to Depression..
There is almost nothing worse than being surrounded by loved ones, but feeling unloved, unwanted. Disgarded like trash on trash day. Feeling like the world is imploding around you and there is nothing you can do to change it (feeling helpless). This is when it is important to know that you ARE NOT alone and that there are people you can talk to. Both professional and not professional. Reaching out is the first step into recovery.
Something slightly personal on my end now.. I have been struggling for some time mentally. I refuse to talk to family and friends due to the fear of being judged for how I feel or being told to "suck it up". I was finally convinced to seek professional help. Finding help professionally was alot tougher than it needed to be. Wait times exceeding 2 months at least. I finally get a chance to talk to a Psychiatrist on Monday to express my feelings of loneliness, anger, depression, anxiety and more. I finally took that first step. The most important one. Nobody wants to feel alone. Nobody wants this kind of loneliness.
My advice to everyone who is suffering is simple.. Take that first step. Speaking from experience, I know its hard. Mental health is what I feel to be Taboo. Nobody likes to talk about how they feel mentally.
Losing a loved one can also be quite hard. Feeling like you should have spent more time with them, talked with them more, expressed your love for them.
I lost my dad in 2017 to cancer. It was his second battle with it. The first time I found out, it was like a train hit me and slammed me into a brick wall. I couldnt think clearly. Lfe was beginning to crumble around me.
I made it my mission to spend more time with him. Collect hockey cards with him. Talk to him every day. One thing that still haunts me.. is when it was my birthday, I told him I would come see him at the hospice. Unfortunately my depression and anxiety got in the way.. Then he took a turn for the worst, during the second fight.. I got to go see him. He was in a medically induced coma. Withering away. The thought of this possibly being the last time I see him, ripping through me. I held his hand, talked to him. Reassured him that I will be okay, that I will look after my sister and my mother. That night, he passed away with my mom and sister by his side, while I was at home with my family. Each day that goes by, I think about him and how I never went on my birthday to see him. Or be there that sad night. I feel the loneliness every time I think about it.
This is a long post (by my standards). Hopefully you guys read it through. If so, thank you. Until next time