“And suddenly, everything was different.”
Some journeys don't begin with a suitcase, but with a quiet sense of restlessness – a thought, a conversation, or a moment of pause.
Perception, assessment, balance - Image by Ulrike Mai on Pixabay
For many years, I’ve accompanied a close friend through life’s ups and downs. Let's call him Markus. He is someone who means a lot to me – a person whose path has deeply touched me. What defines him is his openness, his thoughtfulness – and the courage to speak honestly, even about the uncomfortable sides of life.
This series is an invitation to share in his thoughts and experiences – not as a perfect story, but as an honest reflection on life, its cracks, and what carries us through.
Inspired by posts about the meaning of life – and even by eye-opening lists of illnesses that have led others into disability – Markus began to question his own life:
- What does life really mean?
- How do we deal with detours no one ever planned for?
- And how can we encourage others who have stumbled in similar ways?
It’s also about raising awareness for why people sometimes seem to change suddenly – even when we think we know them well.
Often, these changes are rooted in invisible processes: inner struggles, health challenges, or personal upheavals. These texts aim to help foster understanding – with more empathy, openness, and a look behind the facade.
This story is based on real events I’ve witnessed up close. I tell it from an observing perspective – with a bit of distance, yet with deep connection. It’s a story about Markus, but perhaps also a little about all of us.
How It All Began
Markus lived a life many would consider successful.
A leadership role at a global company, elegant cars in the driveway, five-star vacations – from the outside, everything seemed perfect. But behind the polished surface, a quiet exhaustion crept in.
His daily life was fully booked: appointments, meetings, obligations – and somewhere in between, the things that truly mattered began to fade. His family slipped into the background, he saw his children only in passing. Conversations with his wife grew more superficial, and his inner balance began to falter.
Until one morning, Markus woke up and noticed a strange buzzing in his head – no pain, no fever, just a diffuse fog clouding his thoughts. A moment that changed everything.
The Path Through Darkness
It started slowly. Even before the full breakdown came, Markus began noticing changes – especially in his sleep. Nights grew restless, deep sleep stayed away, and his body seemed permanently tense.
Thanks to valuable contacts in sleep medicine, appointments at a sleep lab were quickly arranged – Markus spent a total of eight days there. At first, everything appeared to be within normal range: a diagnosis of Restless Legs Syndrome, an agonizing leg restlessness that robbed him of sleep.
| Sleep Apnea (AHI 40.1) | Sleep apnea is a disorder where breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep. The AHI (Apnea-Hypopnea Index) measures how often these interruptions occur per hour. An AHI of 40.1 is considered severe sleep apnea, which can lead to fatigue, concentration problems, cardiovascular strain, and long-term health risks if untreated. |
| Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS) | A neurological condition characterized by an uncontrollable urge to move the legs, often accompanied by unpleasant sensations. It typically worsens in the evening or during rest and can severely disrupt sleep. |
But in the medical report, based on suspicious EEG readings, a disturbing addition appeared: suspected glioblastoma. This remark – initially noted almost in passing – triggered a cascade of further testing.
The next shock didn’t take long:
The CT report suddenly mentioned “suspicious pulmonary nodules” – another devastating message that shook everything.
Only days later it became clear that it was merely a dictation error in the CT report – a misspoken word that mistakenly created this alarming statement.
The word “no” had been left out during dictation – so instead of "no suspicious pulmonary nodules," the report simply said "suspicious pulmonary nodules."
A small mistake with a big emotional impact, triggering fresh waves of fear.
| Glioblastoma | A highly aggressive and malignant type of brain tumor. It grows rapidly and can cause neurological symptoms such as headaches, confusion, memory loss, or personality changes. Prognosis is generally poor. |
| Suspicious Pulmonary Nodules | A term used in radiology reports to describe small, round spots in the lungs that could potentially indicate malignancy. However, such findings can also be benign or even result from technical errors in dictation or imaging. |
While the relief about the clarification was enormous, the original suspicion of glioblastoma – based on the EEG – remained and continued to require further investigation.
The emotional strain and weeks of fear left their marks – even though the body appeared healthy in the CT scan.
The path led to neurologists. There, reduced nerve conduction velocity was detected, and a skin biopsy later confirmed a small fiber neuropathy – a condition associated with sensory disturbances and chronic exhaustion.
Since then, Markus has been using a BiLevel device, which supports his breathing at night and provides noticeable physical relief – a small but meaningful step toward greater stability.
| Small Fiber Neuropathy | A neurological disorder affecting the small nerve fibers responsible for pain and temperature sensation. It often causes burning pain, tingling, numbness, or abnormal sensations, especially in hands and feet. Fatigue and exhaustion are common accompanying symptoms. |
| BiLevel Therapy (BiPAP ST) | A non-invasive ventilation therapy using two different pressure levels (inhalation and exhalation) to support breathing during sleep. Markus uses an ST device, which additionally delivers timed breaths. It is commonly used in cases of mixed sleep apnea – a combination of obstructive and central apneas. |
A New Perspective on Life
Eventually, a stay in a neurological clinic brought clarity: the suspected brain tumor based on the EEG results was finally ruled out. Instead, the diagnoses were: severe depressive episode and pseudodementia – a shadow-like condition that had developed over months, masking much of what was actually going on beneath the surface.
| Depression | A serious mental health condition that affects mood, energy, motivation, and perception. It often manifests as emotional heaviness, exhaustion, inner emptiness, or loss of joy. |
| Pseudodementia | A condition where symptoms resemble dementia (e.g., forgetfulness, confusion), but are caused by depression. Unlike true dementia, these symptoms may improve with treatment of the underlying depression. |
The doctors recommended inpatient treatment in a psychiatric clinic.
For Markus, this was a shock. Psychiatry – in his mind, a place for “other people.” And yet, it became the starting point of his true journey.
As he walked down the long hallway, he felt the eyes of others who were also hoping for a new beginning. His heart pounded, but an inner voice whispered:
"You’re here to get help – this is your first step."
In a shared room, he met Stefan, who was in his final week at the clinic. A calm, wise man who had also worked in a high-level position. Stefan’s openness and composure eased Markus’ fears and showed him that psychological crises don’t only affect “other people” – they can happen to anyone.
The Real Journey Begins
This moment marked a turning point for Markus – not in the sense of becoming fully "functional" again, but as the beginning of a search for himself.
He began to realize that the meaning of life isn’t found in external success, but in being mindful of what is.
In the courage to face one’s own vulnerabilities and to accept help.
And in the insight that vulnerability is not a flaw, but a sign of lived humanity.
Conclusion – Thoughts to Take With You
This story is not a guidebook or a universal solution. It’s meant to be a mirror – for anyone currently navigating their own crossroads.
Because life isn’t a straight path. It’s a trail of forks, detours, and quiet pauses.
Sometimes it’s precisely the detour that leads us to the place where we finally arrive at ourselves.
"Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans."
– John Lennon
Thank you for reading.
If this story has touched you, feel free to stay tuned – more stages of this journey will follow.
Maybe you recognize a part of yourself along the way.
Maybe Markus’s path offers you a new perspective.
Or simply the comforting thought: You’re not alone. 🙂
✦ Preview: Part 2
In the next part of this series, I will share Markus' time in psychiatric care – his rehabilitation, the frustrating dealings with insurance and authorities, and the question: How do you build a new life when your old one no longer fits?
➡ Part 2 coming soon.
ℹ️Just a quick note: The original version of this post was bilingual, but the community’s guidelines don’t allow posts in multiple languages. That’s why the post was muted. I’ve now shared the English version here separately. The original German text can be found here
🟨 About me:
I like to write travel stories, but also about life itself – experiences that move me and thoughts that are going through my head. My articles are a mixture of personal impressions, memories and the little moments that characterize everyday life. German is my mother tongue. Supported by AI tools, such as Nuance Dragon, which help me bring my ideas to life, I can give free rein to my creativity in every detail. I first wrote the texts in German - some passages have been gently adapted during translation to ensure clarity and readability in English. The photos I share and use in photomontages are taken with my iPhone, unless otherwise stated.