Kia ora and hello.
I'm going to write once a week about my journey as a parent. One of my most important duties, though, is to protect the privacy of my child. So I want to talk about myself and my experience as a first-time father after 40, but I will leave any personal details about my child's exact age or gender or anything like that out of the posts. You'll be able to guess some of it if you read carefully, but that's OK.
My child is a light sleeper. And I am a smoker. I go outside under the house. I cover up my clothing with a smoking jacket. I wash my hands and freshen my breath after smoking. But sometimes I need to cough. And sometimes I need to blow my nose. And my child seems to be super sensitive to these noises while asleep.
And so I'm scared to blow my nose. The neighbours must not like me too much either because I go outside by the fence to cough late at night so I don't wake anyone inside. And I know there's not too much I can do about it except quit smoking. I went to the pharmacy and got some free nicotine gum which is good. But it seems like maybe it just makes me want nicotine more.
It frustrates me how the price has been increased in this country in an attempt to make people quit, but really that just means that only wealthy people can afford to smoke, and that those who are not especially wealthy have to punish their families by taking away from them to afford cigarettes.
I did some research using the web and AI. It turns out this light sleeping business is pretty common, though that doesn't make it feel any less like walking on eggshells in my own home. Parenting websites like 'Raising Children Network' mention that children cycle through light and deep sleep, and some just spend more time in that easily disturbed phase.
They often suggest things like white noise machines to help mask sudden sounds. We have one of those and it helps. The idea is that a constant, low hum might make my sudden cough less jarring, but part of me wonders if it's just another thing to manage.
Then there's the advice you see on sites like 'What to Expect' suggesting that you shouldn't try to be completely silent around a sleeping child. They talk about getting the kid used to normal household sounds so they learn to sleep through them.
That sounds sensible in theory, but it feels like a risky experiment when you're the one dealing with the consequences of a wake-up. The fear of triggering that full-blown crying session after finally getting them settled makes the idea of deliberately making noise seem counter-intuitive, especially with sounds as sharp as a cough or blowing your nose.
Ultimately, it all circles back to feeling like the problem isn't just the noise, but the source of the noise – the smoking. It adds this extra layer of guilt and frustration onto the already stressful situation of managing a light sleeper. Every time I stifle a cough or step outside feeling like a nocturnal nuisance to the neighbours, it's a reminder.
While parenting resources offer tips for managing sleep environments and noise, they don't really address the specific anxiety of needing to make noises your body demands because of a habit you're struggling to kick, especially when that habit feels increasingly at odds with the quiet, careful world a child seems to need.
https://raisingchildren.net.au/
https://www.whattoexpect.com/
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