My Proudest Moment
...no one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone..
~~Friedrich Nietzsche
For more than a decade life was full of painful experiences. But to everyone else I was okay, having blast! Unbeknownst to them I was actually struggling more and more everyday. I was so used to being hurt that pain was my new normal. Of course slipping into the abyss of depression was inevitable.
Somehow I had come to believe words of many people saying, "...there is definitely something wrong with your head..." Turning me into a helpless being just barely navigating through life day by day, a feeling that only fuelled my anxiety, lowering my already fragile self-esteem.
Talking about it was out of the equation ....how could I talk to anyone if people already had a perception that there was something wrong with me? and so instead of just listening to me, talking would have only resulted in everyone trying to change me, listening to reply rather to understand, to them there was no need for understanding but rather to fix to my being broken.
And so I carried on, went to school, got grades, went to college, all I had to do was plaster a smile on, no matter how heavy everything really felt, pretend everything was okay. People are so obsessed with being perfect that sometimes they forget: we are really just humans... With the obsession of being perfect, those who are damaged are seen as an outcast, and everyone has to cheap in trying to change and turn the outcast to a sheep. 😂It never works of course and it only leaves one feeling more broken....
Thanks to being perceived as damaged, it led me down a path of trying to figure out, what was really wrong with me, why was I the way I was. And book after book, I finally came to the...
....profound realization that somehow I had the power in me to change my situation, I am not broken or damaged. There was nothing wrong with being different.
To me that was my proudest moment! I had it me in the power to make a change, re-write my story. And thus started an ongoing journey. A journey to rediscover myself, gain self awareness, pursue whatever my goals and dreams are not being held back by being perceived as different.
What's up HIVERS, I know my updates somehow always find a way of getting really deep super quick, but I just can't help but feel the need to share, not much just a little bit, someone may find peace and solace in the fact that they are not going through it alone, so bear with me.
I am at a better place though. It is not always easy but with the awareness that one can actually make it in shifting the perspective from being helpless to being somewhat in control, taking action becomes more easier.
Anyway......
✌
Catch y'all in my next one!
Cheers!
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