Today's short talk is how to receive a compliment
It might sound strange but for some folks it's easier to accept criticism than a compliment. So, today i'd like to talk about how to get better at receiving positive feedback.
First of all i'd like to consider that a compliment is a gift and as such it's important to understand that not all gifts are free and sincere. Some gifts have strings attached. So, it's important to discern between complements that have strings attached which we would typically call flattery which is actually a form of mockery and those that are given freely and sincerely.
Today i'm only going to be talking about the latter the free and sincere compliments so if you receive positive feedback from someone that you perceive as sincere, what i'd like you to consider that is a free and spontaneous gift, that was given at the pleasure of the complimenter.
So, what do you do when you receive a gift like a present for your birthday ? You don't just look at it and say oh thanks and here's one for you. You don't just unthinkingly repay a gift with a gift in kind. You also don' dismiss the gift or the gift-giver out of your own discomfort over having received a gift.
If you have any grace whatsoever, you open up the package and you express some enjoyment and the easiest way to express enjoyment is to make accurate observations over what it is that you've received.
You pull it out of the box and you say, “ oh it's a sweater” and look at the color “ ooh and it's so soft i bet it'll be so warm and cozy this winter, thank you.”
That's how you communicate gratitude for a gift that was freely given. you can do something similar when you receive a compliment and to do this you will need to exercise a certain flexibility in your perspective in the moment of receiving the compliment.
You can shift your perspective to join with the complimenter in appreciation of whatever is being complemented. This will allow your subjectivity to join with the complimenter in appreciation of your objectivity.
So, for instance if someone were to compliment you on your physique, you could flexibly change your perspective to join with the complimenter and appreciate your physique from an objective perspective.
Something like, “yeah i'm liking how things are turning out too. i've been working pretty hard and i've started to see some definition in my arms. Yeah thanks for noticing.”
I think that's sufficient but anything less than that might come off as awkward or ungrateful. It's a fine line but you can learn how to walk it.
So, the best way to accept a compliment is to flexibly join with the perspective of the complimenter and to express accurate observations about the object of the complement which just so happens to be you.
It's no longer you as subject it's you as object and in this way you don't have to feel awkward or uncomfortable about receiving compliments because you can join with the objective perspective of the complimenter in that moment. I hope that makes sense.
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