Source: Image by @katharsisdrill
Mort, the Shit Manager is a spin-off fictional series of short stories based loosely on the thoughts of David Mortenson, the tyrannical Kwiksave store manager who features in my auto-biographical series 'The Horrors of Kwiksave'.
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oppression Supreme'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Armchair Club'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Bloody Nose'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Fresh Cream'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oxidation'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Day Off'
PREFACE: Within the Kwiksave store there was a greengrocer's shop at the bottom end of the supermarket ran by an ageing man named 'Sid'.
"We need to keep the heat on as the checkout girls are whinging that it’s cold", said Mort in his best intimidating voice.
Stupid veg man, he thinks he can tell ME what to do?
"My veg is going bad the same day because of that fucking heat machine", responded Sid angrily, "maggots are springing up within hours in my carrots, and flying ants are carousing within my cabbages".
Mort ignored the trickle of sweat running down his forehead and dreaded to think of the odour emitting from his armpits, it was hot within the deepest reaches of the Kwiksave store.
Should he concede that 100F was a tad warm and turn off that enormous squeaking heat device belting out waves of pure fire?
That new @slobberchops stock lad had also been moaning, not that he took any notice of such worthless underlings.
"Well you don’t have any choice", said Mort coldly. "I am the manager and I make the rules here. My girls are cold and they are more important than your vegetables."
Sid’s face remained impassive and composed; why had he taken this so lightly?
"Come, have a look at this", said Sid beckoning Mort into the back of his veg stall. Mort followed with a visible yawn of contempt expecting yet more complaints.
Quick as lightning, Sid grabbed Mort’s collar and stuffed a handful of wriggling maggots into his half-opened mouth while simultaneously giving him a hard shove.
Mort recoiled with horror, eyes wide, hand clutched to his mouth and stumbled backwards, maggots flying everywhere.
"Turn off that fucking heat or you will be eating my carrots and cabbages complete with inhabitants", screamed Sid, now red faced and bearing down on him with an enormous chopping knife.
Mort, the Shit Manager is a Serial Shitposting Fiction Story inspired by Torundel the Shitposter by @katharsisdrill, Ren du Lot, the Shit Lawyer by @vcelier and Nordlute, the Shit Sysadmin by @steevc.
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