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Earlier today as I was getting ready for church service, my 18 year old daughter called me from the city where she’s been studying for three weeks now. I was happy to talk to her as a father, something I enjoy doing anytime I talk to my kids.
Fatherhood is a life of devotion where a man’s whole being is engaged. A man’s joy comes from seeing his children live in a world of innocence, feeling fulfilled that he has been a trustworthy person to his children, living in other people’s conflicted freedoms and facing the challenges that comes from taking charge of his leadership as a father.
Looking back at the past years, I see many changes in my life as I get older and wonder if I can still have the same energy playing with kids as before. My life and family have changed a lot over the past few years. From changing jobs, getting transfers, getting higher education degrees or having two more kids; I wonder if I still feel the same way about being a father as I did before?
Today’s world looks at fatherhood in a weird way. It’s like a game of needle and thread where fatherhood should be postponed or abandoned indefinitely when it gets unbearable. But only a dedicated father will ever write down his shortcomings as a father while always having something worldly success can’t give you – a heart full of love, purpose, struggle and respect.
Now that I have two more kids, unlike before when I was a father of just two kids, my time and money have more people competing for them. And with the realization that these kids are now almost teenagers, patience and leadership challenges of raising kids increased and enabled me to grow in a new way. Know that challenges mean possibilities for self-discovery and growth.
It has become more crucial for me to teach my children the Christian faith, especially now that they are starting to ask advanced questions. That is the case ever since I started working as a pastor. My wife and I struggled a lot when it came to parenting. This ranged from buying and changing diapers everyday and weekly, assisting with homework and just trying to keep chaos down enough for prayer time, arranging a playroom for kids every day, buying toys like food for them to teaching them how to respect their elders among other things.
We can’t still keep them in control because they are still a bit wild, it’s hard to believe we did all these for years. It’s tough but it feels like I’m not a father at all according to the world.
As a father I have learned what gives value in my life and what I value most as a person. My political, social, cultural, religious and non national values are connected today with my values as a father. All that fathers want is that their children’s future is great.
Now I think in terms of generations. It’s pitiful that political and social discourse in our time is only focused on now. I understand that as a father my actions or those of our society do not only affect me but also my children and their offspring.
Thinking about what life will be like for my children, their offspring and their own progeny has been bothering me as a father. This understanding helps me to do the right things while leading the right kind of life and give everything so that the future would be better for tomorrow’s citizens who happen to be my kids. Having had children has blessed me by helping me know who I am and what I stand for.
A father must know that his life is in his hands and must not underestimate taking care of himself. This is what I have learned over the years as a father. If I don’t take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually I become unimportant to my children and family and withdraw socially. One thing my wife used to tell me when she felt my frustrations or anger was “You should put that down on paper then confess it to God in prayer”. Though it’s hard to find time for prayers as a way of releasing our burdens and concerns before God yet it is one thing I know how to do that has given me happiness, peace and contentment.
Being a father makes you sometimes feel divorced from those you truly love because of work, money and other things you can’t help but do. But children don’t know anything about this and they don’t care. This is a reality for most fathers in the world today. Children only care about their own well being; what to eat, ‘ I want this or that’. All they want is to understand that we love them and whether we put it down today. They don't care if you have a plan or not and you better make time out with them and ease of use matters not to them.
You can imagine my 7 year old daughter woke me up at 11 pm saying “dad I need a notebook to finish my assignment”, where do I get a notebook around midnight? This is a tough and nice relationship between father and children. When they say let’s play catch or fight or sing a song, do it. And I like knowing that all they ever want is me to be with them.
My fatherhood journey is not over yet. I get pained when I hear of men who have abandoned children and families in search of happiness in this world. Do they play with their children or look into the face of these innocent souls?
I don’t know what tomorrow will be for me but one thing is for sure I will be happy raising my children. As they grow up, leading will become even more difficult and so I will have to love them more and give more of myself. All I hope is I am able to make them good citizens.
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