We are talking to ourselves all of the time,constantly interacting with ourselves, as we choose our reaction to the world around us. Continuously bombarded by information, no matter where we turn. Everyone has an opinion about the state of the world right now and most want to share it with you.
But even more upsetting, is witnessing how people are reacting to the 'New Normal', that they are shoving down our throats.
I go between fleeting moments of feeling overwhelmed, to then reassuring myself, that I was born for this. Preventing any doom or gloom from setting in, by overcoming the panic and reminding myself of my own power.
But this desire to present and prepared, can become quite exhausting. It's an extra pressure on myself, to be informed and get involved in most of the sub groups that are happening around me. I have always had this innate desire to be aware of what is happening, because with awareness comes understand and the opportunity to be ready for whatever may occur.
But the future is not written yet, even though we are being told, what is planned it does not mean that it has happened yet. I really strive to think for the best, but prepare for the worst. But it is hard to stay focused on the best outcome, when I also have to be aware of what could be.
Oh how my mind drifts to how things 'could be', the sleepless nights I have had, worrying about whether or not I can protect my girls, and do what I need to do. Being a single mama in these times is no easy thing. It feels like it's me against the agenda sometimes. I know that it is not, I know that I am not alone. Not really.
But the reality of the situation is, that at the end of each day, its me and my girls in the truck, all of them dependant on me to protect them and do what is best for them. And what if?, what if the worst did happen.
I really don't want to put any energy into what if, I don't want to give it any power, but still I have to be prepared.
This way of thinking is exhausting and it is taking a toll on me. I want to switch it off and focus only on what I am creating, on the projects I am involved in. But I am only human and my mind does not like to just settle on one thing, especially with so many uncertainties, especially with this agenda that has been rolled out. I can't imagine when it will halt, of even if.
I want to just focus on the beauty of the area that I live on, on the amazing community I have found here. I want to keep creating the life I want to live! But I can't ignore the huge elephant in the room and I don't want to!
I just want to find a balance. I want to tell myself a story where I achieve that balance and feel totally empowered and prepared. But how can we be prepared for something when we don't really know the outcome!
But hey that's life right! It is so changeable, we never know what is around the next corner, so even if we do make plans, they might never come to be.
I want to tell myself that everything is going to be okay, without doubting myself. To not let those niggling thoughts worm their way in.
I want to tell myself to slow down, to take it easy. That what is most important, is what is happening right now in this very moment. I know these things, I write about them often enough, encouraging others to be more mindful. To be better with self care.
But I don't want to just say them, I want to be proactive in doing them. I feel myself starting to get burned out, as I try and get involved in some many things. I want to stop telling myself that i can manage, when my body is telling me otherwise.
I will not only listen to these messages, I will take heed!
I will look after myself more, because I deserve it. I will nurture myself more, so that I feel stronger and I will stop and pause, ,stop and rest when I need to without feeling guilty, for the 100 other things that I could be doing.
I am enough,in this moment right now I am enough!
No matter what does happen,I will get through it with my girls.I am getting through it!
I am strong enough and I was made for these times.
I am re-birthing, just as our world is. I have been here before and I will be here again, all is as it should be!
To be honest I do say these things to myself, but I need to say them more, so that I push any doubt away. I will not live in fear, I choose love, I choose Life! I create my own reality!
