Thank you for doing yourself a favor and taking the second step on My Path To Divinity.
This series was never meant to happen until it happened.
The Lore
I was looking for great tunes when I came across an inspiring video.
What surprised me most was that this video talked about spirituality and enlightenment and above all seven tests. Seven Tests which sounded familiar, I thought I heard all of this before.
And I did...I did hear all of this before.
And probably more than once.
They were very similar to the teachings to reach divinity that Jesus left with Mary The Harlot.
My Musical Sunday School Sessions - Hail Mary The Harlot
I recognize those tests and I am going on a journey to see how they appeared in my life.
My Life My Tests
Last week I told you how I passed the first test....
How it took me years to ask myself, who am I really?
Mʏ Pᴀᴛʜ Tᴏ Dɪᴠɪɴɪᴛʏ & Eɴʟɪɢʜᴛᴇɴᴍᴇɴᴛ - Who Am I Behind the Mask?
Let's see if I can ace the second one as well.
The Sound Of Silence
I only saw Maverick (my true self I mentioned last week) when I sat in silence with nothing and nobody to give me impulses. That is probably why they sometimes refer to this as the test of Isolation.
Not to hear but to listen, how long ago was I told those words?
Those words were sent over to me across the palisades of time, they were pulled out of thin air and put into my head.... but did I listen?
I heard nothing, absolutely nothing....
How could I be sure that this was not real, not someone's imagination, or worse someone playing games with me?
Isolation is No Game
Even if we are told about the world beyond what we can observe, that does not make us believers.
It took time, even when I accepted what I was told about listening to my core, my ears did not hear.
Years and years had to go by, till I found my voice.... sporadically in meditation.
When I was able to shut all the noise out, the voice was there and it was loud.
Maybe not at first, but it is now.
That is when I realized that back when I first learned about the voice inside I was too busy making noise. I filled my life with noise and distraction because I was not ready to listen.
Which is fair, imagine being 20 years old, smoking weed and drinking beer while telling your friends:
"Mate, do you hear that? Do you hear that clear voice inside your head? That voice that guides me, that shows me glimpses of what to expect and why I am here. It´s so awesome, it just totally chills me and takes away the edges from all the human worries I carry around."
Then the sound of silence, while they look at you and smile.
"It´s the weed bruhhh."
And the party would continue
The Party has Ended
That party has ended, but I think the bigger party just started.
A different kind of party, more like a silent disco. Nowadays, I am looking for the sound of silence.
I feel at peace in Isolation.
I enjoy hearing that voice.
Do I think that voice is my own?
I do and I don´t.
It´s my guiding voice, a voice I asked to be there before I started this life's journey.
Let It Go, the voice told me before Frozen even existed.
The Third Test
Again it took time, lots of time to hear that the voice I found pointed out the direction. Slowly I learned to let go.
I learned to let go of all the pain this body provided me with. Mainly the mental pain that holds us back, anger, envy, shame. I still struggle a little with insecurity and a lot with lust.
I can accept, forgive, let go, and see the beauty in darkness.
If I die today I will be a happy phantom, I have gone beyond forgiving.
Am I done with test 3 and letting go?
I don't think so.
I think I have just started.
Started to see that my aim is not to hold on to people, wealth, happiness, hatred, or pain.
Learning to recognize and be open to accept & adore all life's little gifts.
A Bit Much?
That might be a bit much indeed, all that beautiful soft Disney let-it-go bla bla.
Let´s make it a bit more real, a bit less airy-fairy.
Someone asked me earlier this week what I fear most.
I wanted to be cool and give a profound reply, and so I was silent and listened.
My Freedom, I answered after a while.
The Ultimate Freedom
I recently discovered that I have never been this free, not because of the country I live in but because I have started to unchain myself.
As a kid, we are free in our minds but often controlled by the minds of our parents and grandparents.
As a teen we experience less parental control, but a huge amount of peer pressure.
A young adult has much to prove and little experience.
You are bound to be trapped by many pitfalls.
Debt, Arrogance, Love, Lack of self-reflection, Overcommitment, and Unrealistic Expectations to name but a few.
Those are the real-life pitfalls, that all link back to the earthly chains like anger, jealousy, hatred, envy.
Once you are free from parental control and peer pressure you still need to break free as you are bound to be bound by one or more of these earthly chains.
Invisible chains (at first)
How do you escape what you do not see?
How do you let go of that what binds you?
It starts by being silent.
By canceling the noise.
By focusing and listening to the voice.
That voice will guide you every step of the way.
Just A Few Of My Chains
I did not start with confronting my fears, or my envy, I started undoing myself from real-life chains first.
I noticed that smoking bound me in so many ways. My mind was always looking for the next place and the next five minutes to smoke.
Smoking determined many of my decisions, I had bound myself. I lived in fear of being unable to smoke and saw feeding an addiction as relaxing and pleasurable. I had bound myself and so I quit.
My lifestyle caused me to be in debt since my teens.
The debts and all the worries about paying bills and making ends meet every single month ate up my energy. Spending money did not make me happy, it stressed me out.
My energy again was bounded by fear, fear caused by something I could control. I finally changed and felt relieved after another chain was loosened.
For many years I walked a tightrope high above the ground because I thought I had nothing to fall back onto.
Every step could be the last, smacking with my face into the concrete below was always only one step away.
Till I noticed that there were people willing to catch my fall and I was able to work on a plan B just in case I would fall.
That sensation of lightness, when worries about; not falling to save face, about paying bills without money, and needing a cigarette turn to smoke.
Because what is the worst that can happen?
Even if I lose it all nothing is really lost.
As long as I don´t lose the freedom I was able to create for myself.
On my journey, I failed test after test after test, till I passed.
And when I finally felt I had passed, I went ahead and lost it all.
But that is for next week's test.
Mʏ Pᴀᴛʜ Tᴏ Dɪᴠɪɴɪᴛʏ & Eɴʟɪɢʜᴛᴇɴᴍᴇɴᴛ -Test 4 & 5 - Having Faith In The Unseen In My Darkest Hour
Thank Goodsness you made it till the end Pees, Love and I am out of here!