All planets direct, all systems go…
And wouldn’t ya know, I am once again getting pulled out of the comfort zone…
photo credit: TomPoolePhotography on IG
As… unpleasant(?)… it was to the ego, having been ‘living’ in my parents’ basement at age 40 for over a year (I still prefer the term “temporarily staying” rather than “living” with, but is what it has been either way), I truly have kinda enjoyed it. By no means an ideal end-destination, but after so many years bouncing around, it was nice to reground in the home I grew up in and enjoy the simplicity of time with my mom & dad - especially since there’s an increasing awareness that its something there is less & less of, and one day I’ll blink and they’ll no longer be there.
I never loved my hometown of Edmonton, but appreciated it here a lot more than when younger - as unexciting and kinda basic as the place is. In the midst of a crypto bear market, it was an appreciated blessing to not have to sell much at lows, living rent-free. Not loving cooking, it was great to have a good amount of meals taken care of (and my dad is a pretty damn good cook, tbh.) “Unproductive” as they were, it was sorta nice to finally find the groove of some routine, heading out to cafes, the library, and pool for a swim during days, Netflix with mom & cat in evening, buffered with excess Instagram & YouTube. True to my Venus-AC astrocartography line close by, it was kinda lazy… but perhaps a well-needed break from burnout that started like 6 years ago.
But… all seasons change. And true to my Human Design as a Manifesting Generator, “waiting to respond,” the wait seemed lonnnnnnnng… but indeed, came the response. And it was fascinating to observe my body jump into powerful, confident action taking the next steps. Despite the mind’s reservations, the sacral response was a clear “uh huh.”
@wherezjeff on IG
I’d spent a huge chunk of last year questioning my next moves: back to Bali? Thailand? Costa Rica? Mexico? Somewhere else? Or just back to the mountains to pick up where I left off December 2022, hermitting and snowboarding? As per the “wait for emotional clarity” maxim, the clarity wasn’t something that couldn’t be forced; and it was sorta futile “trying to figure it out.” Yet the more time that went by, those emotional waves progressed, and at least some sense of clarity seemed to emerge over time: Revelstoke… if/when timing lined up and the opportunity opened.
Being a small town with unbelievably good skiing/snowboarding, just walking in there to pick & choose a place ain’t a thing; little-to-no rental availabilities, and hundreds of people looking… it’s a place where the economics of supply & demand are quite apparent. And having previously “lucked out” to land in a seriously damn-good accommodation option possible for my couple years there Nov 2020-2022, my standards were set - and I wasn’t about to settle for anything less. How & when I’d “luck out” a second time in a row…? Well, for all my recent criticisms of “manifestation,”, maybe I “manifested” it. Ha. Or, merely just took the appropriate action by planting some seeds and nurturing them - having searched around for another unit before I left, got one lead, followed up a year later, and ta da.
I knew the owner was looking for a tenant for last April, so figured would be worth touching base in case they only stayed a year. Yup. So was looking like May 1. A big financial commitment of 8 months’ rent to lock-in for next winter season, but given the rarity and how easily it flowed, the “hell yeah” was apparent, even in spite of the mind’s anxieties. And holy jeezus, did I get a big wave of anxiety when that date unexpectedly got bumped up to March 1. But, “now or never.”
Ideally, I wanted to put off the financial commitment until crypto really started taking off again. My couple years there before was the highest rent I’d ever paid, and with costs of everything rising, it was obvious that I wouldn’t be paying the same. Turns out a 35% increase. Yeah. T’was “the plan” to pay off a big chunk of fiat debt and take enough profits to cover a year’s worth of rent before moving in, but life doesn’t always align with our plans. Tests of flexibility.
Yet, while I’d typically be lost in the mind’s overthinking, it was as if forces were pulling me out of the comfort zone. Body in motion, driven by that sacral response, I started strategizing - and executing.
While my bag of AGRS tokens (Tauchain) had a surprising pump recently and seemed a good option to shave some profits off of, it wasn’t that easy. Having been holding ‘em since summer 2017, I opted to HODL for a 15% bonus once the mainnet finally launches rather than do the token swap to ERC20 format when that happened; and the only way to sell or swap at this point is through Whitebit… which doesn’t serve Canadians. “Quality problems” in the realm of crypto, lol. Along with the classic conundrum: even if could sell, how much - knowing that price is gonna 2x, 10x, 30x, 100x in due time? But, the choice was clear: stay in the comfort zone of pinching pennies in the parents’ basement indefinitely in my 40’s, or work shit out. Needless to say, the latter happened. Solution emerged for the token swap. Sold enough just for a comfortable buffer while waiting for next take-profit targets, and conditions set to pull the trigger when hit.
While part of me is almost reluctant to believe it until I’m actually sitting in that condo, it’s happening.
And I’m sorta more anxious than excited. Even though knowing it’s time - and correct.
@wherezjeff on IG
It’s weird, having moved around so much throughout my twenties & thirties, yet feeling frazzled AF with this move. Especially since it’s a huge one overseas to a different country. I’ve lived there before & know the place. Yet hot damn, this nervousness at leaving the comfort zone.
A large part of the anxiety: the whole social thing. “Having to” get out, make new friends, connect into the community, face insecurities of feeling like an outsider just passing through. And work through the residual resentment & bitterness over having literally been exiled from participating in most of society there last time because I opted out of taking an experimental injection.
In spite of having loved the place before, felt reasonably comfortable there, and generally gotten along well with people… I dunno man. Maybe I’ve been in hermitude too long. (And thus perhaps why need to actually “get back out there” before my social skills decay too far into “weird old loner” territory.)
And while the financial means are there to take on the biggest commitments I’ve ever made and worked out the strategy to make it happen, there’s still this overseriousness - like, if it’s costing this much, I ”gotta” make the most of it. Like, not just waiting around & killing time for 8 months until next snowboard season, but actually putting in the effort to maximize & optimize my life experience such that the whole spring, summer and fall until then is equally as fucking awesome.
And that requires change.
Change getting out of my social comfort zones again. Change from the 8 month break I’ve taken from making music and getting back to it. Change from playing small financially, putting into practice the lessons from my first two bull runs I didn’t then, and actually leveling up as a grown-ass man.
The mind & ego still want a sense of certainty… something not entirely possible when pulled into new phases of our life - unless resorting to fighting for the comfort zone of an isolation bubble in feeble attempt for control, which while serving that ends, no doubt cuts one off from growth, connection, and all the blessings that can only flow in to be received when open to the new.
But of course, destiny never gets fulfilled, nor true fulfillment found/achieved without embracing the uncertainty of what & where life guides/calls/leads us to.
photo credit: TomPoolePhotography on IG
It’s humbling, this turning point. To admit & face the fear of taking steps forward that seem so small & safe in comparison to some the huge ones made in my past. There’ve been points where I’ve felt as though I sorta almost ‘overcame’ fear altogether, not phased by much the same way I had experienced it when younger - yet here I am, internally trembling over something that logically ought to be more reason for excitement. After all the younger years feeling nearly-invincible, ‘acting’ like a badass (even though there’s probably some fair evidence to say it wasn’t all just an act), it’s feeling like a new experience to have such insecurities & vulnerabilities front & center in awareness.
Will it all “work out?” Surely.
Lessons/tests in surrender, trust, etc? Probably.
Yet logical knowing doesn’t change those emotional waves.
Perhaps we all hit points in our lives comparable - whether a physical move, new job, beginning or end of relationships, etc - when/where uprooted from comfort zones and pulled, pushed, or forced into different directions & fresh chapters. ”Life,” right?
Maybe there are more of us than we know going through the same in some form or another, having to adapt to a rapidly-changing world - whether flowing gracefully or kicking & screaming as clinging to the familiar. Funny enough, as listening to Molly McCord’s latest astrological report between waves writing this, her message seemed to echo/verify it freakishly accurately - the emphasis on themes of strong Aquarius energy resonant… Pluto not just having moved into Aquarius (kind of a big deal), but with close conjunctions of Mercury, Mars, and Venus passing it. Big resets. (Particularly in the Aquarian realm of relationships - and doubly so in my case, it all occurring on my whole sign defendant.) The evolutionary Uranian ‘lightning strikes’ jolting us all into new territory in some way or another. The transformation, inevitable; how we roll with it… sometimes “easier said than done.”
Yet maybe we need to be shaken out of our complacency from time to time, thrown into the deep end of uncertainty to be reminded we can swim and life can be trusted in spite of all the stories the mind spins to try convince itself otherwise.
What’s left to say on this? I dunno.
How much of any of this is relevant to you? I dunno.
My old way of writing, as though imparting lessons and trying to sound smart or some shit, seems to be undergoing its own transformations. If anything, maybe this is just serving some therapeutic purpose for myself - while restoring balance at some karmic level, having previously gone too far in the direction of trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about, shifting in the direction of radical honesty & vulnerability. Maybe that 6 line “role model” of the 6/2 simply being transparent in my own journey of mutation, unable to know what codes I’m passing onto who for what purpose.
Maybe this all but another reminder - whether for myself or even just one person reading this - that sometimes we really do have no choice in life: that there are times we’re called into action, pulled out of our comfort zones, and it’s natural to feel terrified through the twists & turns of this rollercoaster called “life.”
Yada, yada, yada.
Take what you will. Discard the rest.
And all the best for whatever next leaps you gotta make out of your own comfort zones… 🙏
