Last night I stayed up really late to beat the deadline of a scholarship I was applying to. I could have done it earlier and avoided the last minute rush but I had stalled out of fear. I had to write a 900 word essay which should ordinarily be a piece of cake but the thought of the prize had me scared to my gut.
I was nervous about not winning so much that it clouded my thoughts and I didn't know how to begin. It was my first time attempting a scholarship and it seemed bigger than me. I had even asked ChatGPT some questions to get a framework of the essay but it didn't motivate me still. I told myself I wasn't going to bed until I got it done and I eventually started.
It was a 3 part essay - or so I thought- and I made the draft here on peakd, revised, before I went on to the application portal to fill the form and paste my essay. That was when I found out it was now a 500 word essay and not a 3-part 900 word essay like I thought. I was thrown off-guard at this point and had to summarise my points.
It seemed to be more draining than the initial draft and I got less confident yet again. I kept feeling like I was cutting out all the good parts and it wasn't all coming together like the first time.
I get really worried about firsts and trying new things because I hate failing especially when it has to do with academics. I haven't really failed an exam before and it scares me that I might pass out if I do.
I'm going to feel like I failed an exam if I don't get this scholarship and I'm very familiar with that feeling of not getting what I want. Maybe I could have written better if I had done it a few days earlier, maybe not, but at least I tried and put in my best 3am effort.
Now, I wait for the verdict and I'm hoping I get lucky in the midst of the competition. Wish me luck on my first time 🤞