Happy Monday fellow Steemians !!
Over the past week as I was thinking about what I wanted to cover this week. I have seen a few posts and had some conversations with people regarding how they're learning about mindfulness for one and the other topic that came up is how so many people are disappointed where they are at in life or the hand life has dealt them. It was my conversation with my daughter this morning that brought clarity on today's subject matter.
I know we cover this a lot but I want to be very clear on this part. This is the definition of mindfulness that we are working from:
a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
Again I am not an expert, it just took me 30 yrs of therapy to find this and actually make substantial changes in my life. "calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts..." This part is significant. So many of us have those days. "I hate myself". " I wish I were dead", "Why do I have the worst luck?" and so forth. When you voice these to others you're usually met with a barage of 'Oh things can't be that bad?" "You shouldn't talk that way." "You don't mean that." So after a while we internalized these feeling because we don't want to hear what others have to say and we don't want to feel any worse about ourselves. GUESS WHAT ?? IT'S NORMAL to have these thoughts. What is not normal is to interalized them and dwell on them to where it takes you over. That is why when you have the thought or feeling, accept it and use one of the many coping skills we have mentioned. Change what you are thinking. Focus on your environment. Something that will override the thoughts.
So for my moment of clarity. During my conversation with my daughter a few things came up. One she was telling me about her friend who's father has not been the best father. Her friend went as far as to say her childhood was horrible. My daughter told her "Well, mine wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. I choose to look at things differently." She told her friend that she's too caught up on what she thought her childhood should have been like rather than looking at it for what it is. It is what has shaped her into the person she is today. Her friend said, that she had had a good conversation with her dad after that, when she stopped acting like the disappointment she thinks she is and talked to him more on a 'friend' level. This is another kid that just needed to re-evalutate how she saw things. She just passed her MCAT and her life is going in a completely other direction. She almost didn't take the test because she felt her father didn't believe in her and support her. My daughter told her she didn't need any of that. She needed to do it because that is what she wants and it's her life, not his.
She told her friend about some of the things that happened to her that no child should ever have to go through. She told her friend she realized she could not change anything that happened, but she could control her future (to a point). It was her choice on how she wanted to see things and letting that negativity decide her life for here was letting past situations control and she was having no part of that. In May she will graduate from one of the top medical schools in the US with her Master's degree in Medical Lab Sciences.
On the flip side, since I didn't know any of this I lived my life the complete opposite. I became the doormat, I didn't think I was worthy of anything. My own father didn't want me, so why would anyone else? Much much more happened but this did set the tone for what was to come and how I ended up where I am at. Despite all of the negativity, violence and what not, I instilled in both of my kids, that it doesn't matter. Once you figure out what you want out of life, go get it. Most of all enjoy it along the way. I taught them, what I was not taught. No matter how bad off I was. I was always positive with them. Sometimes we forget the impact we have on others, especially our children. My daughter told me this morning, that despite everything she sees me as a good role model, the strength and courage to go through everything, yet still be as supportive as I have been. I honestly never thought I had that kind of personal strength. She and some of my friends say it's one of my best traits. That is has been showing more and more over the past couple of years.
As I mentioned last week, I had decided to quit my job and take another on in a completely different field. I had done the proper thing, I gave them 2 weeks notice. The answer I got back was "Ok, that's fine. We have it covered." What an odd thing to say. I found out why. A previous coworker who had been fired for bullying, constant tardiness, leaving early, not showing up for shifts, leaving in the middle of her shift due to being arrested (twice) for assult on a police officers was hired back. They planned on putting her on the same shift as me. I told them no thank you. I will not allow myself to be treated like that again, please consider my employment terminated as of now due to this situation. Again was told it was the wrong thing to do. You know what, It was the right thing to do. I do not condone this descision and since I am directly impacted by it, I was not going to allow myself to be mistreated. I felt wonderful standing up for myself.
Now for part 2 LOL. @fun2learn did a post over the weeking regarding some mindfulness training he and his fellow teachers had gone through. As we all know teaching is not what it used to be. Teachers are now being bullied, threatened not only by students, but by parents too. I have several friends that were teachers and got out of it due to numerous parents getting upset that their kids were failing. They were failing due to not doing their homework, failing tests, etc. A couple of the were threatened by the parents to pass their kid 'or else' . What a great example to set. We wonder why we have a generation of entitled babies. Anyway, on another post he spoke about taking his kid to the park and just taking that step back to slow down and enjoy the things around you.
When you think about it, when was the last time you watched the wind rustle through the leaves of a tree? When was the last time you sat on the shore of any sort of body of water and listen to the movement of the water? I know we see tons of pictures of different flowers on Steemit, but when was the last time you just sat there and looked at how intricate their petals are? The shading on the petals?
We all need to take that step back and enjoy the life that is going on around us. We need to become a part of it again. After a 1 1/2 yrs working graveyards and avoiding sunlight, I can now marvel at it once again. I loved watching the sunrises, now I get to watch sunsets. Always remember to take time for yourself. Whether it's sining in the shower. Sitting outside and staring at the sky, just to tune out for a little bit will do you a world of wonder.
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