I have learned a lot of things about the word, NO, and all lessons vary from one point to the other, benefits and disadvantages. For instance, I have learned recently that the word NO should not be in my dictionary in terms of professional paths and opportunities. The word NO is a ruiner and stealer of new worlds.
In my home, I can’t say NO to the head of the house (my mom) - or so I thought. When Mom says something, you have to go with it. It was quite the battle because most of the things she made me do at a younger age, I grew to resent.
In my personal life, I went out of my way to make others comfortable even if it meant bending over backwards. I put myself in trouble many times to help another person. I would learn later that I was a people pleaser and that was basically because of the lack of confidence I had in myself and abilities; my constant need to get people to like me and acknowledge me.
I can’t explain it but these things would stop at a point. Maybe thanks to lessons I learned from the constant sting of betrayal or from the pain that no one gives a heck about how you are unless you are of use to them. I would slowly and steadily come to accept this reality and the fact that I may not be able to change immediately but would work on changing nonetheless.
Saying NO, I have learned, is not a trait of selfishness. Everyone is wired differently. We know where our strengths lie and where our limits begin. I have learned that going beyond the limit for anyone is a one way ticket to burn out. No one is saying to not do your best but that is just it, do your best and your best is always where your limits begin.
When I began to grow in confidence (I still have no idea how it started), I realised that saying NO wasn’t a problem for me. Not like I immediately shoot down a cry for help. Instead, when a favour is asked of me, I quickly do a mental recollection of what that would mean for the plans I have and the possible benefits it has for me. I am not always that shallow but shallow I am.
If a favour is asked of me at work, I make sure it is something I can do and not clash with real work I have to do. Then I make sure that whatever the person wants is straight to the point and not them dumping their work on me.
At home, it is mostly with finances. I have made the mistake of running myself into debt because of family and I vowed never to again. So, whatever decisions I am making, it must be profitable, tailored to size and flexible.
In my relationships, I make sure what is being asked of me doesn’t go against my beliefs or principles. If it is something that is not in line with any of my values or morals, it won’t be in my best interest to get involved. Also, if you always expect from me, be sure that I will always run away from you.
