I know what you mean as I had exactly the same happen to me. Robert was meant to be the hero of my story, but then Cherine turned out to be stronger than him. Then...Samatha is born and from when she is born, Robert puts her in charge while he fights a war and she arrests him when he returns. Thereafter she grew to be more and more loving and much stronger than I would have ever imagined.
In a lucid dream, I exclaimed to a girl that she is beautiful and the sudden joy on her face kept me puzzled ever-after. If she was created by my mind, how could she be so surprised and delighted? It seems that when we create characters, a part of our mind is reserved for them and if we love them, they can grow strong enough to choose the path they take. If so, I hope they are all still 'alive' as I have grown to love all, men, women and aliens. It is probably what makes writing such a pleasure for me, as I have never been as intimate with anyone in so-called 'real life'.
RE: West Harbour ...Finale ...No Steps Backwards