Don’t you just love it when bad things happen? No, not to you, to other people!

…

What? You expected me to provide an example? That would be a nice thing to do, so why on earth would I do it?

Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, you may gaze upon this picture of a bunch of ducklings drowning in a stream.

Enjoy that? Well that’s rather annoying, I find that other peoples’ enjoyment tends to get in the way of one’s one.

Unfortunately, they survived.

Not unfortunately for them, of course, but unfortunately for me. I do, after all, enjoy when bad things happen to other people.

And had they drowned, I would have been able to bore and annoy a large number of people immensely by telling and retelling it, and then I could enjoy the bad thing that is me happening to them.

And that gives me the perfect opening to move on to my next topic - doors. Because, y’know, doors cover openings.

Well, that was a terrible segue, in fact it was such a bad segue that even a segue about segues would be a better segue, because really, segue is a rather interesting word seeing as a great many people know the word segue, in fact they even use it, they just somehow don’t know how to spell segue, to the point that even if they saw the word segue they wouldn’t know it said segue, even if they had just segued off of segues by talking about segues because they don’t know how to spell segue and they realize that I’ve written the word segue far too many times in this sentence as well as the fact that this sentence has long since become a run-on sentence, to the point that the segue about segues has segued entirely off topic, so I should probably switch to talking about doors so we can get off the topic of segues, and thereby segue off of segues, thereby making everyone who long since stopped since reading this segue and is simply waiting for another segue feel satisfied because we'll have segued off of segues and onto another segue, and will finally have fulfilled our quotient of writing segues…

Ok, I'll stop. So… doors?

Doors are rather interesting, they open up a world of possibilities. Indeed, one has to remember that much as a door keeps others out, it keeps one in. You know what they say

"If you close your door to the world, you close yourself in as much as you close the world out, and if you open your door to the world, you open the world for yourself."

Nobody actually says that – stop making up quotes.

Be quiet! I thought I told you guys not to interrupt when I'm speaking, I-

But we also want a chance to talk, we-

Oh, be quiet. We don't want to disturb the nice people, do we?

It's your fault for inviting us in by saying "we" so much

Ok, I suppose I'll just say I from now on, and keep the mic for myself.

Now where were we?

** I thought-**

Shut up!

(Ahem!) Sorry 'bout that. They sometimes get a bit out of hand, you just have to rule with a … tight fist, as it were. Is. Was. Will be. Whatever.

-hyperbole out

_{^{I'm really hoping nobody noticed that I was lazy and didn't change anything from my usual style of post for this entry}}

@mimismartypants and @insaneworks, thouest may consider thyselves nominated.