When flowery words start to fail you, try some floury words instead. Speak of bread in its rich simplicity, speak of cookies and cakes and the rest. Speak of bagels and baguettes, of doughs sour and sweet. Speak of sweetmeats and sweetbreads if you don't know what they are.
If she's a baker you'll surely win her heart (though she'll likely be left wondering why on earth you're talking about sweetbreads. Maybe you're planning a full meal?) And even if she's not a baker, she'll still be intrigued. "Does he know how to bake?" she'll wonder to herself.
And of course you don't, because you're a fricking loser!
So stop trying to woo people with flowery words and go do something productive instead, like maybe learning how to bake.
And there is your romantic advice for today. I'm your host, hyperbole, and this is our guest speaker, my jerk of an alternate personality. Next up, we'll be discussing financial advice.
Get a job!
And if you already have one go get a better one. And if you're Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates Can I have your autograph?
Ok. Now that you've managed to insult our entire audience, we should probably bring back our usual speaker, my idiotic, slightly philosophical, self
I'm actually rather curious what flat-earthers say about the value of money. "Money makes the world go round" just wouldn't seem to work, unless they add in the apostrophe and make it 'round. Make it 'round what I'm not entirely certain, but I suppose they can figure that one out.
Or perhaps more likely, they just speak of its evils. "Money is the root of all evil" might work, perhaps to explain the motives of those nasty NASA scientists lying to us about the earth's true shape.
And if money is truly the root of all evil, is it evil that makes the world go 'round? Perhaps evil is making the world go round for some twisted purpose, which is why the flat-earthers are attempting to defend the side of good and keep it in its proper flat form. And if it is making the world go 'round, what's it making it go 'round, and why? I must get to the bottom of this. Quick - let's dig a hole to China.
And why is it that whenever one imagines digging a hole to the other side of the world it ends up in China? That obviously can't be true for most of the world. Unless flat-earthers somehow believe China to take up most of the world's landmass? Although if the earth is flat and one somehow digs his way through it, wouldn’t he just fall out the other side? Perhaps he’d even end up on the back of the great A’tuin.
And where do people from China end up if they dig a hole to the other side of the world? Do they somehow get turned around and end up back in China? Perhaps in some strange way “All holes lead to China.”
And if money is the root of all evil, what did they do before it was invented? Was barter an alternate source of evil in some twisted, dysfunctional fashion?
And speaking of twisted, dysfunctional fashion, what on earth are you wearing? And why the heck did I just type whereing? What does "whereing" even mean?
Ah, the questions one must ask oneself.
-hyperbole out