Introduction

we all know a person or two who just seem to be book smart. they have facts figures or business smarts, they seem to just be on another level. Many of these same people seem to have no friends whatsoever and are always alone. Even though they are extremely smart and could help on a wide range of learning and business opportunities.

What about those impulses that you seemingly can't control ?, from your fear of snakes and spiders, it causes you to instantly sweat or your inability to resist certain sugary foods even when you are trying to diet.

In daniel goldman's book, Emotional Intelligence. He tackles questions like these along with comparing iq and emotional intelligence often called eq, or is eq better predictor of success than iq ? and probably the most helpful section the five components of eq and how to develop them to help in your day-to-day life.

Emotional Intelligence

Let's start by defining emotional intelligence, anyone who has taken a basic anatomy class can tell you that human beings have a single brain, Daniel Goldman along with many other
experts argue that our brains function more like two brains than one.

We all know about our logical thinking brain , this is the brain that is responsible for logical
academic intelligence we normally associate with this organ but what most of us have failed to realize is that the brain that controls your feelings is actually the one in charge.

It sounds weird but Derek Sivers hit the nail on the head when he said,

“if more information was the answer then we'd all be billionaires with perfect abs”.

When we're having a tough day at work we aren't thinking logically, we are thinking with our feelings. We go to have a drink, grab fast food, and skip the gym because we are feeling down and our emotional brain tells us that will make it all better.

Emotional intelligence therefore is the ability to understand and control the emotions that are raging through us.

Aspects of Emotional Intelligence

Goldman's book looks at the five aspects of emotional intelligence and how to use them for our benefit.

the first is self-awareness

the first and most important step to becoming more in control of your emotional brain is to really become self-aware. When you have a bad day at work and your feelings tell you to have a beer, eat some junk food, or skip the gym, you need the ability to recognize the feelings for what they are. Accept them and then proceed on with what is best for you logically.

People tend to fall into one of three categories when it comes to self-awareness. People who are engulfed in their emotions seem to be out of control. They have bad moods that ruin entire days. They fly into a fury when people cut them off in traffic and the smallest rejection can leave them sad and hurt.

A little better than that is the acceptance phase. These people tend to accept whatever mood strikes them but it seems to do a little to change them. They haven't realized or don't care that moods can be acted upon and actively changed.

Finally those of us who are self-aware. Those who are actively aware of moods while they are having them and either of naturally or through work developed mindfulness towards their feelings. These people tend to be better at reaching goals because they are not at the whim of any mood swing to throw them off.

Bad moods don't tend to last as long since they are identified and worked past. To become emotionally intelligent you must first become aware of your emotions.

Managing Emotions

Next let's look at managing emotions. The author uses the analogy that many of us are probably all too familiar with, when driving down the freeway someone cuts you off. In that moment you are furious, you see red, honking your horn throwing up one finger salutes, cursing and screaming.

You have completely lost control of your emotions. Instead, what if you could take a deep breath and say something along the lines of ? Maybe you didn't see me. By being open-minded and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, you both manage your own mood and keep your emotions under control.

As Brad Metzler said,

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. Be kind. Always”

Motivation

The next aspect is motivation. At the top of every field you will find people who have figured out motivation, those who have cracked the code and don't let setbacks derail them.

The first trick according to goldman is the ability to delay gratification, it is easier and much more fun to skip the gym and have a beer and a pizza. But a month from now your body will thank you and you'll look better if you hit the weights.

Sitting on the couch binge watching netflix can feel like a great decision in the moment. But reading a book makes you smarter and more well-rounded in the long term. Successful people also seem to have a knack for staying hopeful and optimistic even during the worst of times.

Sales professionals are often taught that sales is just a numbers game. that each know gets them closer to a “yes” . Maintaining the hope and belief that the next potential customer will say yes is a driving force that can keep you moving through the rough times.

The fourth aspect is empathy

Empathy builds on self-awareness, the better that we are at tapping into our own emotions,
the better we will be at understanding and empathizing with others.

Most people will hide or mask their emotions from you, especially the negative ones the rational mind will hear the words but the emotional mind can decipher tone, gestures, and facial expressions to find the truth behind the words.

Finally improving relationships

Once you have developed your own self-awareness and improved your empathy. You can set about really building and improving your relationships. The people who you know that seem to have a ton of friends, a great family life, and a successful career likely have put a lot of effort into their emotional intelligence and the quality of the relationships they have is the proof.

Conclusion

A high emotional intelligence allows us to make others feel good about themselves, be comforting in times of struggle, or hardship and be a rock when needed.

Remember in a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels. Knowing and understanding the emotional rollercoaster our feeling brain can take us on is the first step to improving our emotional intelligence.

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