Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ~ Marianne Williamson
We talked a bit about fear in the last book. There was a whole chapter devoted to the fear of criticism due to its overwhelming significance and its effect on everything we do and don’t do.
There were also brief references to the other basic fears and how they can all form together to stop you in your tracks like a little frightened wimpy child.
What is it that we are so afraid of? It’s bizarre when you stop and think about it. What’s the worst that can happen?!
I’ve heard the word ‘FEAR’ referred to as an acronym; False Evidence Appearing Real. Quite.
Essentially something that hasn’t even happened and may never happen effecting our psyche, affecting our decisions, subsequent actions and as a result, our lives and all that comes with it.
It’s insane. Literally.
We are creating a reality based on nothing. The stupid thing is that generally what we have a fear about never really materialises and some things that we should have probably been afraid of and never considered them, did happen and we dealt with them when they arose.
Living in the past or future is technically a form of insanity. Only in the moment can we actually be living… a discussion for a whole future report and the basis of all happiness, contentedness and, dare I say it, enlightenment.
Fight or Flight
It's the old fight or flight syndrome. Back in the day many years ago, if you were in physical danger, like when faced with a woolly mammoth for example, you were in physical danger.
You could literally lose your life right there and then. You either fought it head on to the bitter end or you turned and ran. Fast. That's fight or flight.
Now, in this day and age when we don't often some up against woolly mammoths and similar, so we aren't in that real, immediate danger, where our entire existence is under immediate threat. But the underlying psyche lives on. You mind is a powerful beast and it can't differentiate between imagined and real danger.
If you are going to approach that girl or boy with amorous intentions. It's unlikely they are going to stand up and wield an offensive weapon and finish you off for having the gall to interrupt their spritzer.
When you get up to give a speech in front of people, they're not going to all stand up part way through, corner you and make sure you never tell weak gags ever again.
The girl/boy may 'reject' you. The speech may be shit and people may not enjoy it. These are worse case scenarios. You live. In fact, you may even gain from these experiences. But your fight or flight instincts treats this exactly the same as the physical, possible death scenario.
You go into fight or flight response and you feel some of the same symptoms. Perhaps you might get nervous along with some extra adrenalin. That adrenalin is especially to lift you for the battle with that woolly mammoth we discussed before, or to give you the extra boost to get you the hell away pronto.
It's overkill for the modern day scaredy-cat, what will other people think situations that you are generally faced with nowadays.
We need to get back in tune with reality. If we are walking home at night and we are attacked we need to be ready and we need to act fast and ruthlessly. That's where our fight and flight mechanisms will serve us well. But for everyday situations where this exists all in our heads, it needs to be toned down to the appropriate frequency.
A few nerves and a little adrenalin can be good in some situations. But this extreme irrational fear is exactly that, irrational. And we need to be aware of that and base our thoughts and behaviour on what we know to be true.
So how do we do this?
Great question! I don't have a straight answer but it's something that can be worked on and improved upon if you follow a general path of growth and consciousness. As you proceed you can manage to set all this into its appropriate place.
I hope that by reading this kind of material and following this path, that will help to put things in order and slowly but surely fear will play less of a factor and you will act and live without it.
At least only have it where it's completely necessary. We will revisit this subject some more I'm sure!
Fear & Learning a Language
This is something that’s struck me whilst being in Spain. I have also been affected by this on previous jaunts abroad to various degrees.
Spending a more sustained period in one country brings it home a bit for analysis.
For some bizarre reason I'm a little afraid of speaking and being out in a foreign language.
Not an irrational or deep fear, just avoidance. I would be the first person to encourage Spanish people for example to speak English, make mistakes, be confident and that it really doesn't matter.
I become a little meek and a bit of a pathetic specimen. I might be all confident strutting along the road with all sorts of big ideas and thoughts and I walk into a shop (or wherever) and I suddenly become all apologetic for my existence.
A pathetic little wallflower all overly polite trying half-heartedly to use the language and getting all confused when they say something out of the norm and I shrug, smile and think, just give my change and get the hell out of there.
It's strange really and a little hypocritical of me. But I guess we all have certain quirks and languages are a bit tricky.
But, as ever, you just have to get over yourself. In this example some great exchanges and connections can be made through the very fact that you do speak different languages, so that's something not to be missed and to be celebrated.
My Second Driving Lesson
Sometimes one small action can be the catalyst for massive change.
It was a couple of decades back now. I was stood in a shop doorway in my home city sheltering from the rain. Should I do this? I might just give it a miss, it is raining after all. And dark. I could just go home again and chill out. I could always do this another time, at some point in the near future I will give it another go…
It was only my second driving lesson and the last thing I needed was bad weather, this added to the fact I didn't really want to do it. Just wanted to bypass this and get a license really.
I was due to meet the instructor in about 10 minutes and these were the thoughts going through my head.
First lesson was all the initial basics and only a little driving. This would be the first lesson where I started off in the driving seat and would be driving around in these not so great conditions.
I don't remember if I convinced myself or what but the next thing I know I have gone and met the instructor at the centre where they were based. I was that close I thought I may as well go along.
Funnily enough, the lesson went quite well. I drove well considering it was only the second time driving a car. Quite smooth. And the weather didn't have much of an impact at all.
In fact, it felt quite good being in the car rather than outside it.
Cars have lights, windscreen wipers etc, it's all been factored in. I took it a little slower, was overly vigilant and wasn't nearly as bad as what my thinking suggested when stood in the shop doorway.
I was glad I went through with it. After the lesson I felt pretty good, achieved something, faced a fear. When I did eventually get home and chill out, that time felt a whole lot better then if I had known that I had avoided this whole episode.
More importantly this was the catalyst for further lessons and eventually passing my test which was important. Not because I was all that bothered about driving places, it was just something that I wanted to get done as it was always on my mind. A monkey off my back if you like.
Since that second lesson, I had several more. I failed my first test. I didn't drive again for well over a year, then I booked a test, some semi-intensive lessons to lead up to it and passed second time. Job done.
That can all be traced back to being stood in that shop doorway feeling sorry for myself that I had to do this thing and the last thing I needed was the weather being against me.
If I hadn't gone that day? I'm sure I would have tried again and would have got there. But it would have been a longer process and a serious setback.
And these things add up. Both positive and negative.
This little story can be applied to anyone and anything. I bet you have many times been 'sheltering from the rain'…
Sometimes you go home, close the curtains, block it out.
Sometimes you get out there and drive through it.
You know which you should do, you know where your comfort zone is and isn't. And you know the pay-offs and potential rewards.
Next up, we look to keep things a little more simple… as we explore that less is more!
Take the Red Pill, Quit the Quo
Book written by Adam Barratt, 2011
Chapter 1: The Status Quo
Chapter 2: Who Am I?
Chapter 3: The Dream Chasing Paradox
Chapter 4: And… Action!
Chapter 5: Decisions, Decisions
Chapter 6: Priorities
Chapter 7: Discipline, Attitude & Patience
Chapter 8: Persistence
Chapter 9: Fear of Criticism
Chapter 10: Kaizen
Chapter 11: Blue Pill Heads & The Not Much Crowd
Chapter 12: Karma
Chapter 13: Rally Call & Final Word
Taking the Red Pill – The Next Level
Book written by Adam Barratt, 2012
Chapter 1: Now Where Were We?
Chapter 2: Routines & Habits
Chapter 3: Perfectionism Plague
Chapter 4: Gossips & Whingers
Chapter 5: Gratitude & Reframing
Chapter 6: Fear Fairies
Chapter 7: Simplify, Minimise, Zen
Chapter 8: You're Not Normal
Chapter 9: Closing