Fear of Criticism – Chapter 9: Take the Red Pill, Quit the Quo

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles and halter of success there is. It’s intrinsic, it’s powerful… a beast that needs to be slayed.

And the fear of criticism is probably the biggest of the lot. It deeply effects every thought you have and action you take. It is deep… and it is a dangerous animal.

This has without doubt stopped many great things from happening, ideas flourishing and if some of the great minds of our time would have bowed to this beast then the world would have been worse for it. It is something that needs to be overcome or at least minimised to the maximum…

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This is probably the one thing above all else that will stop you in your tracks. People may well have a good idea but it never even gets as far as the planning stage due to this one fact alone. People may get that idea out there and begin to work on it and maybe even make a little progress but will meet with this beast again en route and bring things to a standstill or cause doubts to arise.

This is a travesty and all because they were criticised… or worse still thought they would be criticised, played out all sorts of scenarios in their head whether it would have actually happened or not. How silly to let something like this stand in your way, but it’s all too real and effects us all to some degree.

Hey, it’s in my head as I write this report, but overall I couldn’t give a rat’s arse… I’m doing a good thing, enjoy writing about this sort of thing and if it helps a few people then great, if people criticise then fine, if it’s constructive I’ll take it on board, if it’s not then I’ll let it help me drive me and perhaps use it for comedy purposes in a future article or book.

Absorb what is useful discard what is not – Bruce Lee

You need to delve a little into the psychology of the criticiser. Also, have a look at what they have achieved and their own objectives. This will provide valuable insight. People who whinge, whine and blindly criticise rarely offer any value, are a little unhappy to say the least and can’t bear to see people trying things and achieving success.

As we well know it is easier to try and bring someone down to their level then to shoot for the stars themselves. They won’t have time to be successful as they spend too much time and energy being negative. If they spend a large chunk of time talking and writing about other people negatively then you can bet your bottom dollar that the rest of the time this pessimistic loop is swinging around in their heads.

The true doers and the people you should listen to are those who have achieved success and you genuinely respect.

It’s like the old adage parents tell their kids (mine did anyway, perhaps yours did too): If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Successful people know this. They are far too busy achieving things to nit-pick at what you’re doing. They may well offer friendly advice from one person who has done it to another who is hoping to do it as to ways they can improve. But they won’t slap you down and tell you you’re wrong.

Now you have to be very careful of this criticism animal. Again, awareness is the key.

Be ultra careful whose counsel you keep. The blatant idiots who you don’t particularly like aren’t necessarily too bad as they are obvious and you can see them coming. You’d rather not encounter these oiks but you can generally brush them aside if you have a vision and a little passion to back it up. No, what you have to be on the lookout for is the less obvious people and the more subtle ways of keeping you in check.

Sometimes it may actually be well meaning people. Their heart is in the right place. They want what’s best for you. However, they don’t necessarily know best.

Parents are a great example. The reason being that most people hold a deep (occasionally misguided) respect for their parents and are heavily influenced, sometimes obviously but quite often unknowingly… it’s something that lurks deep in people’s psyche – pleasing one's parents.

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But people’s parents in general do hold a huge influence. From a young age they are in charge and still call the shots when kids become adults. Whether it be actively telling them what to do or in far more subtle ways.

Maybe it’s just a comment here and there, not negative but more suggestive that they should be living in a certain way. Personally, I don’t care much for what people say I should be doing and by what ‘age’… they receive short shrift… the 'rulebook' is well and truly out the window. But some people attach great credence to what others say, especially their parents.

What we all have to remember is that times have changed and things are continuing to evolve. What may have been the done thing 50 years ago or 20 years ago is obsolete. You have to move with the times. What may have been right for your parents may not apply in this day and age. Neither is wrong, it’s just a different state of affairs.

People don’t tend to stay in one career all their life (or relationship), people may well marry and have kids later, or maybe not at all. People live a little longer. Science and technology are advancing at great rates. The world is more accessible, you can travel the world easily and relatively cheaply. Information is easily accessible at your fingertips.

The word is your oyster, choices are abundant… life is now more about living then following the old patterns of conformity and rigidity. Things are different so a slightly different approach is what is called for.

Your parents are probably good people. They want the best for their little boy or girl and want to be proud. So, listen to them, take on their wisdom but follow your own path and stay true to your dreams. This is so important and I think ultimately everyone wins.

Also pick you friends carefully. There’s no room for misguided nostalgia. It’s very important to surround yourself with the people who are congruent to your principles, values and goals. Again, the people that were once appropriate in your life, may not be now. It’s tough sometimes but you have to be ruthless and move with the times. The wheel keeps turning.

These people won’t necessarily criticise you outright (or maybe they will but perhaps they’re not ‘friends’?!). But they may be a little surprised or resentful if you’re trying to break away and try new and bigger things. If you were always at their level and you try and shoot for higher they might not like it.

It depends on the individual of course, but birds of a feather flock together. So if you want to be on a higher income stream for example, then you want to be spending larger amounts of time with people earning that money then the people running around scraggling for scraps.

I worked for a direct sales company a number of years back. Door to door, gas and electric. Classic…

Anyway, one thing they taught was ‘get with people’. This concept was essentially to surround yourself with the appropriate people at a given time to achieve a given end. So, you’d see the people you want to emulate and train with them. You would pick up some habits and tricks of the trade, put your own spin on it, improve and get the results you’re looking for.

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend working for a direct sales company… but I would recommend surrounding yourself with the right people, consistently. This is vitally important and will do wonders.

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So what else can be done to slay the criticism dragon? It’s a toughy as it is so deeply ingrained in our psyche and in society and effects us at both a deep and surface level.

But you have to make sure you surround yourself with the right people. Maximise the time spent with positive people congruent to your objectives and desires, minimise or eradicate if possible, those who aren’t.

At a wider level, try and eliminate or at least cut down on negative influences in your life and maximise the positive. You just really need to stop and think – what it is you truly want and work out a plan of achieving it. Then set about that plan with gusto.

If you’re passionate enough and you truly believe in the cause, mix a little faith into the pot and ultimately any criticism received (be it real or imagined) will slide away easily with the impenetrable force and momentum that you have created. Momentum builds confidence and as you confidence grows the criticism will wane (it may still be there but you notice it less as you’re too busy smashing it).

By the way, important point here. Increased criticism is a good sign. I’m sorry to have to say this but the more successful you become the more criticism you will face (and praise thankfully). As you grow, more people will become aware of your existence, which will include jealousy. They will be jealous of all the ‘breaks’ you’ve had that they haven’t . They won’t have seen the hours of hard work, the ‘failures’ and the sacrifices but they will think they know best and like mentioned before try and bring you down to their level.

But sadly for them you will never be dragged down. In fact you will be more spurred on to keep doing what you’re doing and help those who are actually making the effort to improve. Just remember:

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing – Elbert Hubbard

But we certainly will be saying something, doing plenty and being pretty damn awesome. Worth a little criticism I would say. Keeps things spicy. Puts the cat amongst the pigeons, upsets the apple cart and other clichés too numerous to mention.

One of my favourite YouTube clips is of success/motivational coach Tony Robbins telling the Rocky/Sylvester Stallone story. I wrote a Thread about it and have referenced it elsewhere in this report. In there he says after he went round all the agencies in New York several times trying to sell the ‘Rocky’ script he received rejection after rejection, he wrote all the criticisms down and read them out on Oscar night when they won. It’s an inspiring story, I encourage you to watch it if you haven't already.

And I haven’t even spoke about criticism of self. This is even worse. Just don’t do it, it’s not necessary. Just make sure you are constantly improving and moving forward and it will all come together…

Up next… Kaizen!