"Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage"

What is this 5 second rule and who is Mel Robbins?

Don't worry, this isn't the one about picking food up off the floor ;). This is more about taking action… and taking it fast, before your brain has a chance to talk you out of it. A simple concept - perhaps even silly - but potentially hugely effective and absolutely backed by science and evolution.

How many times do we stop just to give things some 'due consideration' and then come up with all sorts of reasons, negotiations and assurances as to why not to make that move in that moment. Here we're talking about those key seconds where it's go or no-go.

A while back I saw a TED Talk from Mel Robbins. It was ok, but didn't think too much of it at the time. Many people have however and got value from that alone. More recently I saw her on a YouTube video as part of an interview with Tom Bilyeu on his show Impact Theory. I have to say, that one actually did impact me and I will post the vid at the end (if nothing else, skip the article and watch that ;)).

With that said, let's dive into the book!

Some great quotes from the book, followed by my additional thoughts…

One moment of courage can change your day. One day can change your life. And one life can change the world.

That's encouraging. It can all turn on a knife edge at any given moment. And the repercussions can be immense.

I was the problem and in five seconds, I could push myself and become the solution.

Again, it doesn't take long. Taking control and taking action can be a fast process, producing fairly quick results.

You Are One Decision Away from a Completely Different Life

Marvellous! Doesn't matter what's gone before, it's literally just a moment and a decision to change it all.

I was stuck in what researchers call a “habit loop.”

Habits can be used for good as well as evil. This is a neurological loop that governs any habit and consists of 3 elements: a cue, a routine, and a reward. Understanding these elements can help in understanding how to change bad habits or form better ones.

When you set a goal, your brain opens up a task list. Whenever you are near things that can help you achieve those goals, your brain fires up your instincts to signal to get that goal completed.

Focus and intention. Where that goes, things, people and circumstances that relate will appear. Your brain is giving you a prod… then you decide what you do about it.

When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.

They're one step ahead. It's about learning to trust that instinct and acting with faith, despite not being sure of what will happen next.

The 5 Second Rule: The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.

The crux of the book. Counting down from 5 and then launch. After 5 seconds, your brain will already be beavering away trying to stop you… it has the best intentions - that is to keep you 'safe'. Any changes spell potential danger, and whilst that doesn't help you grow, it does keep you alive. Using the Rule, by this point you're in action mode.

You interrupt your default thinking and do what psychologists call “assert control.”

Acting before your brain (a part of it anyway) has a chance to kick in, takes control of the situation and gets things moving before it's fully assessed with 'logic'. At this point I should point out - it's not about acting irrationally or recklessly, it's about acting on what you know will be for the best but not doing it because there may be some sort of 'pain' involved.

the Rule is (in the language of habit research) a “starting ritual” that activates the prefrontal cortex, helping to change your behavior.

If you get into that habit, it becomes a ritual. Something that gets you going, a trigger… then you're off to the races! Activating the prefrontal cortex is where it's at, as that is the more 'advanced' area of the brain designed for self-actualisation (ie. growth rather than pure survival).

What I discovered is powerful: pushing yourself to take simple actions creates a chain reaction in your confidence and your productivity.

It's not just one little action, it has huge knock on effects and repercussions. Confidence goes up and productivity, as you would expect, soars.

There’s an important concept in psychology put forth by Julian Rotter in 1954. It’s called “locus of control.” The more that you believe that you are in control of your life, your actions and your future, the happier and more successful you’ll be.

People need to feel a sense of control. Not in some sort of 'control freak' type of way but being in command of yourself and your circumstances (to the degree it's possible). The locus of control is also about being aware of that which you cannot control. Focus on what you can control and alter accordingly, and try and let go of that which you can't control… it will only drive you into a mischief. Easier said than done but you don't have much choice.

Forget motivation; it’s a myth. I don’t know when we all bought into the idea that in order to change you must “feel” eager or “feel” motivated to act. It’s complete garbage. The moment it’s time to assert yourself, you will not feel motivated. In fact, you won’t feel like doing anything at all.

Motivation is garbage, as Mel says. And many others too. It has its time and place, but when it comes to actually acting, the chances of you feeling motivated and that seeing you through are fairly slim. You likely won't feel it, and you won't act. If you're relying on motivation alone to get things done, it will probably be a fairly somber life.

Right before we’re about to do something that feels difficult, scary or uncertain, we hesitate. Hesitation is the kiss of death.

He who hesitates, mastur… well, doesn't get what he wants. Once hesitation kick in, you're into a Battle Royale. You could potentially still get it done, but it will be so much harder, and the chances are you'll 'do it later'.

it’s not the big moves that define our lives; it’s the smallest ones

One and the same.

"You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you can't have both - Brené Brown"

Damn. By the way, Brené Brown has a famous TED Talk on vulnerability if that tickles your fancy.

Metacognition, by the way, is just a fancy word for any technique that allows you to beat your brain in order to accomplish your greater goals.

I just like the word metacognition. I'm going to try and throw it into conversation this week and see what happens. I still don't fully understand what it means, but we don't need to, we just need to beat the more primitive parts of our brain holding us back.

Start by counting backwards to yourself: 5- 4- 3- 2- 1. The counting will help you focus on the goal or commitment and distract you from the worries, thoughts, and fears in your mind. As soon as you reach “1,” move. That’s it.

The mechanics of the Rule. The focus on the counting will distract you, then you 'lift off'. Once you're moving then you're ok, whatever happens next. Momentum will see you through… the most difficult part is starting, which is what the whole book is really about.

The difference between “Just Do It” and the #5SecondRule is simple. “Just Do It” is a concept—it’s what you need to do. The #5SecondRule is a tool—it’s how you make yourself do it.

Talking about our old friends at Nike. There are similarities with their tagline, in that it's about action… here we have the actual push to do it.

our own minds betray us with a seemingly endless list of tricks including cognitive biases, the paradox of choice, the psychological immune system, and the spotlight effect.

Some psychological concepts which are expanded on in the book. Very interesting if you're into the biology of it all.

The Rule leverages and is an example of some powerful and proven principles in modern psychology: a bias toward action, internal locus of control, behavioral flexibility, the progress principle, starting rituals, the Golden Rule of Habits, authentic pride, deliberate action, “If-Then planning,” and activation energy.

More psychological principals, again expanded on later in the book.

That moment of hesitation is a killer. Hesitation sends a stress signal to your brain. It’s a red flag that signals something’s wrong—and your brain goes into protection mode. This is how we are wired to fail.

That hesitation we spoke about earlier. It's a warning, telling your brain that danger lurks. This was essential back in the day when wooly mammoths may have been hiding behind the bushes. You have to assume that the rustling in the hedge is a killer, so you're ready for fight or flight. If it turns out to be a friendly rabbit, then no harm, no foul. Assume it is skippy Roger and it turns out it's not, then you and your lineage are no more. This translates to the modern world but it usually doesn't have the same dire consequences. Try telling the amygdala!

In order to change any bad habit, you must replace the behavior pattern that you repeat.

Makes sense. I don't think you can literally just stop (or start) something. You're replacing it with a new (better) habit.

“starting ritual.” Starting rituals interrupt your bad default patterns and trigger new, positive patterns.

More info on starting rituals and their effects. A conscious approach to getting these things going can then lead to a more automatic continuation. Then it's game on.

Everything that you think might be set in stone, including your habits, mindset, and personality are flexible.

Not set in stone by any stretch. Have a little look into neuroplasticity (the ability of the brain to change throughout an individual's life) and epigenetics (study of changes in organisms caused by modification of gene expression) for a start.

Also check out the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. That talks about fixed vs growth mindset in more depth. I haven't actually read it yet, but it feels like one I should have.

As Bryce puts it, “you can achieve anything that you are passionate about and are willing to work for.”

Simplified, sure… but also correct. You need to have both, and with them, the world is indeed your oyster.

Rosa Parks.

The book discusses Rosa Parks and her standing up to racial inequality by not giving up her seat on the bus.

Her moment of courage teaches us all that it’s not the big moves that change everything—it’s the smallest ones in your everyday life that do.

Turned out quite a big move in the end.

This is a critical detail: Rosa Parks didn’t hesitate or think it through. It happened so fast, she just listened to her instincts telling her “I was not being treated right,” and she pushed herself to follow them.

She went on instinct. She'd had enough. It felt right in the moment and she stood up to what was right, damned to the consequences. If she'd thought it through, things may have been very different. Although, most people tend to just plod along… you taking a stand where it's appropriate could be just as important, even if you feel it's pointless.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

MLK also makes an appearance. He was chosen to lead the human rights movement following the backlash of Rosa Parks' actions. He himself said it all happened so fast and he probably wouldn't have actually accepted if he had really thought it through and what it would entail. He too went on instinct and the 'dream' that burned within him.

Courage is a birthright. It is inside each and every one of us.

It's in there… bit quiet at times but can be awakened and used.

There is only one YOU. And there will never be another one. That’s your power.

Uniqueness. Individual talents and abilities. Everyone has their own reach and influence.

Wayne Gretzky quote: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

Wayne Gretzky in again with his very oft used quote. Take the shots.

Adam Grant’s incredible book Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World

Highlighted to remind me of the book. Must take a look. Adam Grant also gets a mention in a book I'm currently (re-)reading, Deep Work. As in, he was used an example of people doing deep work… but that's another BookBabble!

when the Pope asked Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel in 1506, Michelangelo felt so overwhelmed with self-doubt that he not only wanted to wait, but he also actually fled to Florence and hid. The Pope had to stalk Michelangelo and pester him for two years to get him to agree to paint it.

Yeah, ol' Michelangelo wasn't really feeling it and had to be convinced. Did a good little job in the end. Point is, it happens to everyone and there's no telling what can be achieved if you just fight through it.

“We can only imagine how many Wozniaks, Michelangelos, and Kings never pursued, publicized, or promoted their original ideas because they were not dragged or catapulted into the spotlight.”

And there are many more that we have not heard about for this exact reason.

The difference between people who make their dreams come true and those of us who don’t is just one thing: the courage to start and the discipline to keep going.

Getting started is the most difficult part of anything. Then there needs to be discipline and habit to keep things moving.

When you sit with fear and uncertainty your mind makes it expand; it’s called “the spotlight effect” and it’s one of the many tricks your brain plays in an attempt to keep you “safe.”

In other words, too much intense focus on the negative. Building it up. This can work the other way, so it's a case of doing the same thing for the positives, burning that one bright, and turning this danger light off (or dimmed to when it's actually needed).

Another definition of the spotlight effect seems to be that people believe they are being noticed more than they really are. The fun part is, that a lot of people believe this and are so busy with their own spotlight effect that they're quite unlikely to notice all the other spotlights running around. Ironic really, and keeps people held back.

Rovio, the brand that created the game, launched 51 unsuccessful games before they developed Angry Birds.

I know nothing of this Angry Birds. Robbins dips here into some success stories of people who persisted and Rovio kept going past the 50 mark to actually get their game going.

James Dyson created 5,127 prototypes!

Of Dyson vacuum fame. That's quite a lot of prototypes. Who would have just sacked it in after the first 10? But 5000…

Picasso created nearly 100 masterpieces in his lifetime. But what most people don’t know is that he created a total of more than 50,000 works of art.

Good ol' Pablo. That guy was a force of 20th century art, not least in co-founding the Cubist movement, and I've stood face-to-face with his Guernica painting. Point here is how prolific he was. 50,000 is a fair old wack, only about 100 of which were considered masterpieces. That's just what he did and how he mastered his craft.

Success is a numbers game.

Just ask Picasso above!

When you 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 push yourself forward you’ll discover the magic in your life and you open yourself up to the world, to opportunity, and to possibility. You might not get the girl, the part, or the response you wanted but that’s not the point. In the end, you’ll get something way cooler—you’ll discover the power inside of you.

The point is doing it, and creating something. Whether it doesn't 'work out' is fairly irrelevant… and who knows, it might!

According to neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, it’s our feelings that decide for us 95% of the time

Bloody feelings.

How you feel in the moment is almost never aligned with your goals and your dreams. If you only act when you feel like it, you will never get what you want.

Ties in with the quotes on motivation earlier. You just won't feel like it most of the time and that's irrelevant, you need to do the things you need to do. Or live a mediocre existence.

Again, the brain wants to keep you alive and safe. Doing something new or uncertain does not tie in with this primary aim, even though it is a desire of the overall being.

Feelings are merely suggestions, ones the greatest athletes and teams ignore.

Everything is a suggestion. You then decide what happens next. Top performers simply ignore them, focusing on their routines and their goals.

In chemistry, “activation energy” is the minimum amount of energy required to begin a chemical reaction.

And it's more than it takes to keep going. Newton had something to say about that in his law of inertia.

Either you run the day or the day runs you.

Control. Routines. Plans.

"Courage is the commitment to begin without any guarantee of success" - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Goethe getting in there. Glad he stopped by. There are no guarantees… this is especially pertinent in the entrepreneurial journey. That's all about faith, hard work and not knowing if it will all be for nothing (although, it will always be for something - nothing's ever wasted).

Stop thinking about how you feel. Your feelings don’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you DO.

F**ck your feelings. They're little buggers. They just alert you to potential hazards and offer nice and easy suggestions. Just thank them for stopping by and crack on…

Go the extra mile. It’s never crowded.

You always hear about going the extra mile. Funny thing is, just a little bit of effort more than the average and you're out there alone. This can be good and bad but quite easy as no-one is out there.

Own Your Mornings

Have a good routine. In particular a morning one. That both makes for a great morning but also sets you up for the rest of the day. All successful people have some sort of routine that sees them on the right track. Leaving things to chance means you will probably be dragged along on other people's agendas.

Scientists have recently discovered that when you hit the snooze button it has a negative impact on brain function and productivity that can last up to four hours!

So hitting the snooze button isn't just bad in the wasting time / sloth-like sense, but scientifically interrupts your sleep cycle to leave feelings of grogginess that lasts hours.

Dr. Ariely told us, the first 2 to 3 hours of the day are the best hours for the brain to focus on the tasks or goals that advance your own personal or professional goals.

It takes about 30 minutes or so to get going but once past that point is where you're at your peak for a few hours, so you really want to be cashing in on that time.

Parkinson’s Law—work expands to whatever time you give it.

Ah, good ol' Cyril Northcote Parkinson (thanks Wiki). This can be used to our advantage or used to procrastinate. Use deadlines for the win!

2-3 big picture musts

Focus, attention and priorities. What are your 2 or 3 biggest things you want to accomplish that day? Get them done, the day's a success (despite what else goes on)… don't get them done, then you haven't quite accomplished what you really wanted that day.

Productive Procrastination

Turns out there are 2 kinds of procrastination. It's not all doom and gloom. There is a time and a place for it - that is, with creative pursuits, often it it beneficial to delay and let the ideas 'percolate' for a better result.

Destructive Procrastination

The one we all know and 'love', what we are usually referring to when we discuss procrastination. Putting off what you really need to get done now. It's important to know the difference between the 2!

Procrastination is not a form of laziness at all. It’s a coping mechanism for stress.

Thing is, if you don't have to do it now then it's very easy to leave it until it's necessary. Tony Robbins (no relation to Mel) talks about turning your shoulds into musts. We all have plenty of things we 'should' do but until it becomes a 'must' then it's not getting done. And as soon as things are a must, then they get done and pretty quickly.

“the progress principle,” which describes the phenomenon that forward progress of any kind, including small wins, boosts our mood and increases our happiness and productivity levels.

Happiness = progress. The key is moving steadily forward, not so much the end result. When you're stagnating is when you're dying, and when you're not progressing you are unhappy.

You’ll either find a way or you’ll find an excuse.

There's always a way and there's always an excuse. Choose wisely ;)

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living. Heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. - LR Knost

Thanks LR knost!

“What am I grateful for in this moment? What do I want to remember?”

The principles and benefits of gratitude.

"Rule your mind, or it will rule you" - Horace

Horace knew. The cornerstone of everything, not just this book.

“reframing”

Positively changing the situation in your mind. Looking on the bright side. Seeing the silver lining or actually enjoying the cloud.

Zoloft

Mel suffered from anxiety for many years and was on Zoloft for a couple of decades. She is not taking it anymore and has all but cured herself, not least due to the concepts she discusses in this book. That's how it all started, with her not able to get out of bed in the morning, seeing a NASA rocket launch on TV and using that concept to propel her the next day. Then followed further research which launched (pun intended) into the neuroscience of it all.

physiologically anxiety and excitement are the exact same thing.

Here's a reframe for you. Instead of "I'm nervous", try "I'm excited". Same same but different.

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” - AA Milne

Cheers AA Milne.

“anchor thoughts.”

Something to keep your thoughts and emotions secure. Instead of worrying about the situation at hand, anchor your thoughts to the positive outcomes that event will produce. She goes into more detail in the book, including conquering her fear of flying through this method.

“If, Then” planning.

Another psychological 'trick'… or rather contingency plan. If this happens, then I'll do that. It's a little plan for if and when things don't go to plan.

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek" - Joseph Campbell

This is just a great quote.

Confidence just means that you believe in yourself, your ideas, and your capabilities.

Confidence means 'with trust'. You trust in yourself.

Anyone can learn how to become more confident. It’s not a personality trait. It’s a skill.

Some people are predisposed to certain traits, then they are influenced in early years by their environment. However, traits are also malleable and can be nurtured later in life. Might come harder to some, but possible.

What if I told you that nothing about your life or personality is fixed or “comes naturally” anyway? Nothing comes naturally until you practice it.

You are what you think about and act on.

Professor Brian Little, a psychologist at the University of Cambridge, just gave a great TED Talk, “Who Are You, Really? The Puzzle of Personality.” In it, he talks about the difference between extroverts and introverts and the things that make us who we are.

A TED Talk for your collection.

As Professor Little likes to say, “you are like some other people and like no other person.”

Nice little saying.

Speak from your heart, even if your voice shakes.

Another great quote. You may not be fully confident, but speak your truth regardless.

"There's a voice that doesn't use words, listen" - Rumi

Rumi had to get in there before the end.

The Alchemist.

A famous book by Paulo Coelho that you may well have read and surely heard of.

“Whole universe conspires to help you when you follow your heart.”

A quote from The Alchemist.

The Alchemist was first published in Brazil, it failed. Miserably.

It's one of the top selling books of all time but struggled initially in Coelho's native Brazil. Not all smooth running once again.

The answers are inside of you if you have the courage to listen.

Courage to listen, and even more to act on what you hear.

Don’t tell people your dreams. Show them.

This comes down to action and ensuing results.

“cognitive dissonance”

I like this little term. Google dictionary definition - the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change.

"You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself" - Glinda, The Wizard of Oz

Wizard wisdom.

One moment of courage can change your day. One day can change your life. And your life can change the world.

The opening quote repeated at the end of the book… but we all need a little reminder!

Thanks Mel! Anything else?

All very good, and worth a look. You may find it a little too simple and not something you take heed of… or it could be one of those life-changers - right book, right time can do wonders.

The book is peppered with social media postings of people using the Rule and re-enforcing what can be done and how it can be used. Ultimately, it's another strategy in your toolkit which may just give you that extra nudge when the time's right.

As promised, here's that clip with Tom Bilyeu on his Impact Theory show. It's not the full interview, but has most of Mel's side of the chat and complements the book and this article well. You can always have a snoop for the full version should you wish.

Taking action (in its various forms) is probably the most important 'skill' we need to cultivate, and Mel and The 5 Second Rule do a great job of bringing awareness and strategy to getting moving.

What do you think… cool concept or daft theory? Have you read it and do you apply it? And any great books to add to the Babble list?

Check out the others in the series…

Book Babble #19: "The 5 Second Rule" by Mel Robbins

What is this 5 second rule and who is Mel Robbins?

Some great quotes from the book, followed by my additional thoughts…

Thanks Mel! Anything else?