Where Do I see Myself in 5 Years.
“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.”
~Soren Kierkegaard
In trying to make up for past choices, I experienced what one might call the death of dreams. From September 2018 to September 2019, I experienced a lot, some experiences were amazing, while others were traumatizing.
By the end of that period though, I could no longer see a future for myself, reality had shown me one of it's darkest sides, and had life lost all it's beauty and meaning. With each dawn, the more I resented it.
Living was a chore, there was nothing interesting, with the passing on of the hope for a better tomorrow, my energy reserves continued to plummet, giving it all up seemed more rational than toiling for nothing.
I came to see the profound meaning of the writings of the 20th Century American Poet, Langston Hughes:
“Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.”
~Langston Hughes
Escapism through listening to music, reading fantasy or basically anything I could lay my hands on, helped me navigate the despondency that my life had turned into.
Books played role of company, for when I felt too alone, and it all felt too overwhelming. Through reading I knew someone else had gone through it and finding their work would help shed light onto the darkness, that tiny ray of light would somehow help me rediscover my path.
Through many different perspectives of the different protagonists in the different novels, I always knew a storm never lasts into eternity so my adversities too would come to pass.
Sometimes last year they somehow started finding their way back, but something was different, I was no longer afraid of dreaming big, I knew it deep down that I had the power in me to be anyone.
Persevering through the rough period before had taught me that I had all the resources in me to the sculptor of my life.
I could now visualize a life full of meaning, full of beauty, full of light, full of darkness, a masterpiece and I have in me what it requires to actualize it all, even better than before that period.
I truly felt the joy of being actually alive.
“Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost legendary. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Perseverance and determination alone are omnipotent.”
~Calvin Coolidge
Now I could embark on that journey I had been so looking forward to, this time though with a better sense of direction.
5 years is a very long time, proven by the fact that I could go through hell and back within less than an year. A lot will have changed, I am more optimistic about where I will be than I have a ever been.
Of course there will be dark moments, but those are the times are the ones I look towards to the most, for through them are hidden priceless insights on who I really am as an individual, they also offer a deeper perspective on what life is really about.
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche
Looking ahead 5 years from now what do I see?
The following is a summation of who I see five years from now. There is soo much I would love to write but I am also conscious on not making it too long, and so I will just offer a summarized view of what I see....
- A more conscious being ~ Pouring through different books regularly helps shed more light on my character, my personality, my weaknesses and also offer insights on how to improve, while also enjoying being lost in the worlds created by the different word smiths. The principal of compound interest is real and a summation of the myriad of different insights will definitely culminate to one whole and improved individual, totally different from who I currently am.
- A senior software designer and developer ~ Currently am working on making it a habit to design and build small solutions to my current problems, while also putting more focus on advancing my Development skills. In 5 years a lot will have changed in the world of computers, but that means my skills would not only have grown but also adapted to the numerous changes. To me being a senior developer simply means being able to see and understand problems much better, so as to come up with more effective solutions, also understand which questions to asks so as to achieve particular goals.
- A traveller ~ One of my dreams is developing my working habits to sustain constant travelling, there is so much to see and experience in this vast realm we call earth. Many people to meet with, experience different cultures, different ways of thinking, and so much more. There is so much to be learned through experiencing different things, it is a perfect way to broaden my mind, expound on my wisdom, and generally gain a better understanding and more appreciation for being alive.
- A photographer and film maker ~ Inline with being a traveller, I see myself as an emotional photographer, using a camera to capture an emotion, and somehow use the captured moment to deliver a feeling to someone else not present. I have struggled with depression and I would love to make short films for those who will be going through it but feel like they are all alone, convey the message that they are not alone, and that it will get to pass, while also inspiring them to take lead of their lives, not in the loud way of YouTube gurus, but rather through telling stories riddled with hidden meanings.
That is generally who I see, but there is soo much more.....
Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.
~Ashley Smith
✌
Y'all are the BEST!
Cheers!
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